So Sunday afternoon I almost went to the hospital because I hadn't really felt baby give any good kicks all day, or the night before. I got dressed, decided I'd doppler her just to make myself feel better and she kicked the doppler off my stomach, and then went ballistic. So I did not go to the hospital.
My husband noted that we have a pattern. It's two days of movement, one day of quiet. So I'm going to start logging on here more frequently so I remember where we are in this pattern.
Friday July 1 - Lots of movement
Saturday July 2 - Movement in AM, quiet in PM
Sunday July 3 - Quiet almost all day
Monday July 4 - Movement almost all day
Tuesday July 5 - Movement in the AM, and overnight
Wed July 6 - Hardly any movement in the AM
This isn't really helpful to anyone but me, but so be it!!
Wednesday we have our first NST (non-stress test). I am excited to go in and hear her heartbeat for 30 minutes. I am going to ask if she'll write me a note to wear tennis shoes to work. My hips have been pretty brutally painful. It's my left buttock, and it pulls sometimes so bad I almost fall down. I will also be calling the chiropractor. Even though she charges like $75 dollars, I think it will be worth it to go and get things adjusted. Probably next week.
The following Wednesday we have our next growth scan, a non-stress test, and then an appointment. I'm thinking I'll take the whole day off work and use the afternoon to work on getting our house organized. OR I'll just take a half day, and take a full day after the next ultrasound day / after the shower when I can put stuff away and do laundry. That makes more sense. Especially since I'll want to come in and work on projects.
I've officially created a countdown at my desk. 35 days left (give or take 1 or 2) until her EDD. Which means I have 35 days to get every project I'm working on wrapped up, the temp trained, and my desk essentailly cleared out in case anything happens while I'm gone (they move me, they fire me, etc.)
I also found my FitBit, and I'm going to start wearing that. I've been having daily headaches, which I think is from looking at my phone too much, but just in case we're getting Pre-E signs, I want my heartrate being tracked.
So yea, that is what is up, more posts to come!! Oh, and later this week I will post about Scrumbles, because he has been on my mind so, so very much lately as we approach the year of our losing him. My heart is heavy.
-Em
Showing posts with label ultrasound. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ultrasound. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
More Frequent Check-Ins
So Sunday afternoon I almost went to the hospital because I hadn't really felt baby give any good kicks all day, or the night before. I got dressed, decided I'd doppler her just to make myself feel better and she kicked the doppler off my stomach, and then went ballistic. So I did not go to the hospital.
My husband noted that we have a pattern. It's two days of movement, one day of quiet. So I'm going to start logging on here more frequently so I remember where we are in this pattern.
Friday July 1 - Lots of movement
Saturday July 2 - Movement in AM, quiet in PM
Sunday July 3 - Quiet almost all day
Monday July 4 - Movement almost all day
Tuesday July 5 - Movement in the AM, and overnight
Wed July 6 - Hardly any movement in the AM
This isn't really helpful to anyone but me, but so be it!!
Wednesday we have our first NST (non-stress test). I am excited to go in and hear her heartbeat for 30 minutes. I am going to ask if she'll write me a note to wear tennis shoes to work. My hips have been pretty brutally painful. It's my left buttock, and it pulls sometimes so bad I almost fall down. I will also be calling the chiropractor. Even though she charges like $75 dollars, I think it will be worth it to go and get things adjusted. Probably next week.
The following Wednesday we have our next growth scan, a non-stress test, and then an appointment. I'm thinking I'll take the whole day off work and use the afternoon to work on getting our house organized. OR I'll just take a half day, and take a full day after the next ultrasound day / after the shower when I can put stuff away and do laundry. That makes more sense. Especially since I'll want to come in and work on projects.
I've officially created a countdown at my desk. 35 days left (give or take 1 or 2) until her EDD. Which means I have 35 days to get every project I'm working on wrapped up, the temp trained, and my desk essentailly cleared out in case anything happens while I'm gone (they move me, they fire me, etc.)
I also found my FitBit, and I'm going to start wearing that. I've been having daily headaches, which I think is from looking at my phone too much, but just in case we're getting Pre-E signs, I want my heartrate being tracked.
So yea, that is what is up, more posts to come!! Oh, and later this week I will post about Scrumbles, because he has been on my mind so, so very much lately as we approach the year of our losing him. My heart is heavy.
-Em
My husband noted that we have a pattern. It's two days of movement, one day of quiet. So I'm going to start logging on here more frequently so I remember where we are in this pattern.
Friday July 1 - Lots of movement
Saturday July 2 - Movement in AM, quiet in PM
Sunday July 3 - Quiet almost all day
Monday July 4 - Movement almost all day
Tuesday July 5 - Movement in the AM, and overnight
Wed July 6 - Hardly any movement in the AM
This isn't really helpful to anyone but me, but so be it!!
Wednesday we have our first NST (non-stress test). I am excited to go in and hear her heartbeat for 30 minutes. I am going to ask if she'll write me a note to wear tennis shoes to work. My hips have been pretty brutally painful. It's my left buttock, and it pulls sometimes so bad I almost fall down. I will also be calling the chiropractor. Even though she charges like $75 dollars, I think it will be worth it to go and get things adjusted. Probably next week.
The following Wednesday we have our next growth scan, a non-stress test, and then an appointment. I'm thinking I'll take the whole day off work and use the afternoon to work on getting our house organized. OR I'll just take a half day, and take a full day after the next ultrasound day / after the shower when I can put stuff away and do laundry. That makes more sense. Especially since I'll want to come in and work on projects.
I've officially created a countdown at my desk. 35 days left (give or take 1 or 2) until her EDD. Which means I have 35 days to get every project I'm working on wrapped up, the temp trained, and my desk essentailly cleared out in case anything happens while I'm gone (they move me, they fire me, etc.)
I also found my FitBit, and I'm going to start wearing that. I've been having daily headaches, which I think is from looking at my phone too much, but just in case we're getting Pre-E signs, I want my heartrate being tracked.
So yea, that is what is up, more posts to come!! Oh, and later this week I will post about Scrumbles, because he has been on my mind so, so very much lately as we approach the year of our losing him. My heart is heavy.
-Em
More Frequent Check-Ins
So Sunday afternoon I almost went to the hospital because I hadn't really felt baby give any good kicks all day, or the night before. I got dressed, decided I'd doppler her just to make myself feel better and she kicked the doppler off my stomach, and then went ballistic. So I did not go to the hospital.
My husband noted that we have a pattern. It's two days of movement, one day of quiet. So I'm going to start logging on here more frequently so I remember where we are in this pattern.
Friday July 1 - Lots of movement
Saturday July 2 - Movement in AM, quiet in PM
Sunday July 3 - Quiet almost all day
Monday July 4 - Movement almost all day
Tuesday July 5 - Movement in the AM, and overnight
Wed July 6 - Hardly any movement in the AM
This isn't really helpful to anyone but me, but so be it!!
Wednesday we have our first NST (non-stress test). I am excited to go in and hear her heartbeat for 30 minutes. I am going to ask if she'll write me a note to wear tennis shoes to work. My hips have been pretty brutally painful. It's my left buttock, and it pulls sometimes so bad I almost fall down. I will also be calling the chiropractor. Even though she charges like $75 dollars, I think it will be worth it to go and get things adjusted. Probably next week.
The following Wednesday we have our next growth scan, a non-stress test, and then an appointment. I'm thinking I'll take the whole day off work and use the afternoon to work on getting our house organized. OR I'll just take a half day, and take a full day after the next ultrasound day / after the shower when I can put stuff away and do laundry. That makes more sense. Especially since I'll want to come in and work on projects.
I've officially created a countdown at my desk. 35 days left (give or take 1 or 2) until her EDD. Which means I have 35 days to get every project I'm working on wrapped up, the temp trained, and my desk essentailly cleared out in case anything happens while I'm gone (they move me, they fire me, etc.)
I also found my FitBit, and I'm going to start wearing that. I've been having daily headaches, which I think is from looking at my phone too much, but just in case we're getting Pre-E signs, I want my heartrate being tracked.
So yea, that is what is up, more posts to come!! Oh, and later this week I will post about Scrumbles, because he has been on my mind so, so very much lately as we approach the year of our losing him. My heart is heavy.
-Em
My husband noted that we have a pattern. It's two days of movement, one day of quiet. So I'm going to start logging on here more frequently so I remember where we are in this pattern.
Friday July 1 - Lots of movement
Saturday July 2 - Movement in AM, quiet in PM
Sunday July 3 - Quiet almost all day
Monday July 4 - Movement almost all day
Tuesday July 5 - Movement in the AM, and overnight
Wed July 6 - Hardly any movement in the AM
This isn't really helpful to anyone but me, but so be it!!
Wednesday we have our first NST (non-stress test). I am excited to go in and hear her heartbeat for 30 minutes. I am going to ask if she'll write me a note to wear tennis shoes to work. My hips have been pretty brutally painful. It's my left buttock, and it pulls sometimes so bad I almost fall down. I will also be calling the chiropractor. Even though she charges like $75 dollars, I think it will be worth it to go and get things adjusted. Probably next week.
The following Wednesday we have our next growth scan, a non-stress test, and then an appointment. I'm thinking I'll take the whole day off work and use the afternoon to work on getting our house organized. OR I'll just take a half day, and take a full day after the next ultrasound day / after the shower when I can put stuff away and do laundry. That makes more sense. Especially since I'll want to come in and work on projects.
I've officially created a countdown at my desk. 35 days left (give or take 1 or 2) until her EDD. Which means I have 35 days to get every project I'm working on wrapped up, the temp trained, and my desk essentailly cleared out in case anything happens while I'm gone (they move me, they fire me, etc.)
I also found my FitBit, and I'm going to start wearing that. I've been having daily headaches, which I think is from looking at my phone too much, but just in case we're getting Pre-E signs, I want my heartrate being tracked.
So yea, that is what is up, more posts to come!! Oh, and later this week I will post about Scrumbles, because he has been on my mind so, so very much lately as we approach the year of our losing him. My heart is heavy.
-Em
Friday, May 13, 2016
Growing Pains
If you've ever experienced a loss, and then a pregnancy afterwards, you are probably familiar with being hypersensitive to any tick, movement, itch, scratch or pain. This week is a week of pains for me and baby girl. As we move into our third trimester (June 3 we'll officially be in the home-stretch), I know in my head that she is putting on lots of fat every day and bulking up. At this point, she has all of her organs and they are maturing so she can live outside of my body. We are "viable" at this point, and doctors would fight to keep her alive. But this also means we will be gaining between 6 and 8 pounds between now and August 26. Which equals about a half a pound a week of pure baby weight.
That all being said, my stomach hurts.
Mostly up high, like under my chest and above my belly button. It wakes me up at night sometimes. and it itches. the itching! My boobs are sore, and my bras are definitely too tight. (new ones ordered). I feel "lightning crotch" a lot. It shoots from my lower pelvic area down my crotch. And that similar sensation can be felt all over my stomach. I know it's from her growing, but it still always makes me worried.
Next appointment is June 1st, and I will be asking the doctor if they check the cord again. My mom was told that her son was born with his cord wrapped around his neck in a knot (he was stillborn) so I'm uber nervous about anything involving cords. I want to know if that is being monitored. And a friend I work with has a sister in a high risk pregnacny, and the doctor took the time to show her an ultrasound of the cord and that it was not wrapped around the baby's neck.
What i'm learning is that this process is so dependent on your OB. if you get one really hands-on, you will get far more information and support. I think next time I will be hiring a midwife for these long months. Someone to go to for emotional support with questions. I also don't plan on being this heavy next time we get pregnant. I know it puts us at risk for so many more issues.
Anyways, other than that, we're trucking along. The hips are still extremely sore. I might be signing up for a water aerobics class on the weekends until pools open at the end of May. And I'm gaining too much weight. Already up to 301.6. I was 298 just a week ago. So I don't know how that's happening with a stricter diet, but it is.
As always, avoiding gestational diabetes and preeclampsia. But it's starting to feel more real. We're working on the nursery, and my family and friends are planning a shower... I could never envision our baby, because I had done so much of that with the first and then he disappeared into nothing but wishes and dreams. This time, as I feel her kick her daddy's hand (happened for the first time two nights ago) she feels more real. And I think she'll be here. I am starting to believe it. And have faith in my body. And counseling is helping me see that thinking negative thoughts doesn't counteract positive actions. I can be positive, see positive outcomes, and still have good things happen.
Emily
That all being said, my stomach hurts.
Mostly up high, like under my chest and above my belly button. It wakes me up at night sometimes. and it itches. the itching! My boobs are sore, and my bras are definitely too tight. (new ones ordered). I feel "lightning crotch" a lot. It shoots from my lower pelvic area down my crotch. And that similar sensation can be felt all over my stomach. I know it's from her growing, but it still always makes me worried.
Next appointment is June 1st, and I will be asking the doctor if they check the cord again. My mom was told that her son was born with his cord wrapped around his neck in a knot (he was stillborn) so I'm uber nervous about anything involving cords. I want to know if that is being monitored. And a friend I work with has a sister in a high risk pregnacny, and the doctor took the time to show her an ultrasound of the cord and that it was not wrapped around the baby's neck.
What i'm learning is that this process is so dependent on your OB. if you get one really hands-on, you will get far more information and support. I think next time I will be hiring a midwife for these long months. Someone to go to for emotional support with questions. I also don't plan on being this heavy next time we get pregnant. I know it puts us at risk for so many more issues.
Anyways, other than that, we're trucking along. The hips are still extremely sore. I might be signing up for a water aerobics class on the weekends until pools open at the end of May. And I'm gaining too much weight. Already up to 301.6. I was 298 just a week ago. So I don't know how that's happening with a stricter diet, but it is.
As always, avoiding gestational diabetes and preeclampsia. But it's starting to feel more real. We're working on the nursery, and my family and friends are planning a shower... I could never envision our baby, because I had done so much of that with the first and then he disappeared into nothing but wishes and dreams. This time, as I feel her kick her daddy's hand (happened for the first time two nights ago) she feels more real. And I think she'll be here. I am starting to believe it. And have faith in my body. And counseling is helping me see that thinking negative thoughts doesn't counteract positive actions. I can be positive, see positive outcomes, and still have good things happen.
Emily
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
16 Week Check-In
Sorry I've been MIA for a while, I am trying to let time pass without overthinking things, but that is proving challenging. So here is what has been happening:
We had our 16 week check up, and baby is great! No signs of any bleeding in the hematoma. Heartrate is good (I still think high, but doctor didn't seem to mind) around 160. She (yes, she!) was laying on her side, so we didn't get a good profile, but the genetic screening came back with great results. Everything appears to be going fine!
Apparently the pain/pressure I was feeling below my belly was still RLP, and my doctor did not seem concerned at all. So the appointment was on a Wednesday, and we left feeling pretty good. The 20 week scan is scheduled, and we are a month away from half way cooked!
So, I guess after the appointment I started overdoing it, because the thick green mucus came back (with a vengeance). I started walking again, and my husband and I had sex for the first time in weeeeks, feeling like everything was okay, well, I'm pretty sure that caused the mucus. After doing some research, I'm fairly confident it was part of my mucus plug. I, of course, freaked out, and immediately put myself back on bedrest. I spent the entire weekend relaxing and didn't leave the house. By Sunday, it had diminished significantly. So by today (tuesday) the mucus is gone, but NOW I have a weird feeling down there. Sigh. IT NEVER ENDS! I am hyper sensitive to begin with, but now I'm wondering if I actually had/have a yeast infection. I have been wearing a pad every day for 4 months .... so I'm wondering ifit's too hot down there. Back to cotton underwear today, and doing some research.
So I think we are past the point of TMI at this point, but it basically feels like ... you know when you accidentally leave a little piece of toilet paper after wiping? it feels kind of like that down there. It doesn't hurt, but it's noticeable. I've checked and can't feel my cervix, so that is good (at least it's not down low). And nothing else seems off, but of course any little thing down there freaks me out. Especially since I'm terrified I have an incompetent cervix after the miscarriage (I know that was labor/contractions, and a hemorrage that irritated everything, but I still just opened up with no issues). I think at 20 week ultrasound they will look at my cervix for the first time, so yay, hopefully we make it through these next four weeks with little to no incidents and get halfway through. Then, we'll be talking about VIABILITY!!!! I am not there yet, we still have too long of a journey to go,... but we're getting closer! And I've been so busy during the workday that the weeks do seem to be passing quickly.
Anyways, that's what's up down there. It's always something, isn't it? I have decide how much I'm going to limit myself these next few months. I am going to err on the side of caution, because we've now made it this far. I have a daughter, and I love her, and I'd literally do ANYTHING to keep her safe. So we're just going to keep taking it a day at a time, and tackle things as they come up.
If you ask any of my care practitioners, everything is 100% perfect, so I am just going off of their diagnoses and telling myself to chill the fuck out. Stress is bad, apparently the cortisol levels can transfer to the amniotic fluid, and stress out the baby. So ... more meditation, more calming relaxing deep breathing, and less worrying about what's going on around me. If I were a horse, you'd be putting blinders on me right about now.
Oh, I think I can feel baby moving... Like right now, it feels like someone is blowing bubbles in my uterus. It's one of the most amazing feelings. The other night I swear I felt a kick! I am going to look today and try to find out why it's called "the quickening" (cause, come on, that's a Highlander thing, and how awesome to call feeling your baby move that??!!!). I wish I Wasn't carrying around all this extra weight, because I know my husband will not be able to feel her for a while. But that's okay, I know he will soon, and then he'll have the rest of his life to love her. :) .... Assuming we get through the next five months.
Also, he made an interesting point the other day. I don't think that I DESERVE to be happy, or have good things happen. Which is just strange, because my life is FULL of great things. I am very blessed and very lucky and work very hard to get what I want. But I think if I start to get excited about this baby she'll die. And I feel like if I want something, I won't get it, because I Don't deserve it. Stuff to talk to my counselor about I guess.
Anyways, I'm sure there's more, and I'll start being more active documenting things, although I feel like these month long waits are pretty much the same. Most of the time I don't feel pregnant (second trimester - golden trimester!) Unless I'm freaked out about something, or feeling pressure, or the baby is moving.
As a side note, I still expect blood every time I wipe, and I still am scared every morning when I wake up (and the multiple times throughout the night) that there will be a pool of blood around me again. I think I have the symptoms of PTSD, and I don't think I'll relax about it until the baby is healthy and viable and preferably here and full term here. So anyways, if anyone out there is struggling like that, just know that you aren't alone, this is a REAL THING, and what you experienced -- no matter how far into a pregnancy -- is a scary, horrible, terrible thing, and while we shouldn't dwell on the past, I want to validate your emotions. If you are scared like me, know that there is hope, and I believe that things can be okay, and that is what gets me through every day.
Also, a friend of mine is in counseling and they're discussing self worth. And there is a little exercise they told me about that goes like this -
This is a process to better understand that you are valuable and deserve good things. But, I am also going to apply the process to the miscarriage. Because I know I have been living in the past with this pregnancy, and now we're in a new week, and we're further than ever before, and people keep telling me it's all normal. So .... I'm going to start looking to dawn instead of watching the sun setting on the past.
-Emily
We had our 16 week check up, and baby is great! No signs of any bleeding in the hematoma. Heartrate is good (I still think high, but doctor didn't seem to mind) around 160. She (yes, she!) was laying on her side, so we didn't get a good profile, but the genetic screening came back with great results. Everything appears to be going fine!
Apparently the pain/pressure I was feeling below my belly was still RLP, and my doctor did not seem concerned at all. So the appointment was on a Wednesday, and we left feeling pretty good. The 20 week scan is scheduled, and we are a month away from half way cooked!
So, I guess after the appointment I started overdoing it, because the thick green mucus came back (with a vengeance). I started walking again, and my husband and I had sex for the first time in weeeeks, feeling like everything was okay, well, I'm pretty sure that caused the mucus. After doing some research, I'm fairly confident it was part of my mucus plug. I, of course, freaked out, and immediately put myself back on bedrest. I spent the entire weekend relaxing and didn't leave the house. By Sunday, it had diminished significantly. So by today (tuesday) the mucus is gone, but NOW I have a weird feeling down there. Sigh. IT NEVER ENDS! I am hyper sensitive to begin with, but now I'm wondering if I actually had/have a yeast infection. I have been wearing a pad every day for 4 months .... so I'm wondering ifit's too hot down there. Back to cotton underwear today, and doing some research.
So I think we are past the point of TMI at this point, but it basically feels like ... you know when you accidentally leave a little piece of toilet paper after wiping? it feels kind of like that down there. It doesn't hurt, but it's noticeable. I've checked and can't feel my cervix, so that is good (at least it's not down low). And nothing else seems off, but of course any little thing down there freaks me out. Especially since I'm terrified I have an incompetent cervix after the miscarriage (I know that was labor/contractions, and a hemorrage that irritated everything, but I still just opened up with no issues). I think at 20 week ultrasound they will look at my cervix for the first time, so yay, hopefully we make it through these next four weeks with little to no incidents and get halfway through. Then, we'll be talking about VIABILITY!!!! I am not there yet, we still have too long of a journey to go,... but we're getting closer! And I've been so busy during the workday that the weeks do seem to be passing quickly.
Anyways, that's what's up down there. It's always something, isn't it? I have decide how much I'm going to limit myself these next few months. I am going to err on the side of caution, because we've now made it this far. I have a daughter, and I love her, and I'd literally do ANYTHING to keep her safe. So we're just going to keep taking it a day at a time, and tackle things as they come up.
If you ask any of my care practitioners, everything is 100% perfect, so I am just going off of their diagnoses and telling myself to chill the fuck out. Stress is bad, apparently the cortisol levels can transfer to the amniotic fluid, and stress out the baby. So ... more meditation, more calming relaxing deep breathing, and less worrying about what's going on around me. If I were a horse, you'd be putting blinders on me right about now.
Oh, I think I can feel baby moving... Like right now, it feels like someone is blowing bubbles in my uterus. It's one of the most amazing feelings. The other night I swear I felt a kick! I am going to look today and try to find out why it's called "the quickening" (cause, come on, that's a Highlander thing, and how awesome to call feeling your baby move that??!!!). I wish I Wasn't carrying around all this extra weight, because I know my husband will not be able to feel her for a while. But that's okay, I know he will soon, and then he'll have the rest of his life to love her. :) .... Assuming we get through the next five months.
Also, he made an interesting point the other day. I don't think that I DESERVE to be happy, or have good things happen. Which is just strange, because my life is FULL of great things. I am very blessed and very lucky and work very hard to get what I want. But I think if I start to get excited about this baby she'll die. And I feel like if I want something, I won't get it, because I Don't deserve it. Stuff to talk to my counselor about I guess.
Anyways, I'm sure there's more, and I'll start being more active documenting things, although I feel like these month long waits are pretty much the same. Most of the time I don't feel pregnant (second trimester - golden trimester!) Unless I'm freaked out about something, or feeling pressure, or the baby is moving.
As a side note, I still expect blood every time I wipe, and I still am scared every morning when I wake up (and the multiple times throughout the night) that there will be a pool of blood around me again. I think I have the symptoms of PTSD, and I don't think I'll relax about it until the baby is healthy and viable and preferably here and full term here. So anyways, if anyone out there is struggling like that, just know that you aren't alone, this is a REAL THING, and what you experienced -- no matter how far into a pregnancy -- is a scary, horrible, terrible thing, and while we shouldn't dwell on the past, I want to validate your emotions. If you are scared like me, know that there is hope, and I believe that things can be okay, and that is what gets me through every day.
Also, a friend of mine is in counseling and they're discussing self worth. And there is a little exercise they told me about that goes like this -
- Remove toxic substances or behaviors from your life.
- Look back and make new choices about old messages and feelings.
- Develop new behaviors.
This is a process to better understand that you are valuable and deserve good things. But, I am also going to apply the process to the miscarriage. Because I know I have been living in the past with this pregnancy, and now we're in a new week, and we're further than ever before, and people keep telling me it's all normal. So .... I'm going to start looking to dawn instead of watching the sun setting on the past.
-Emily
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Belated Update / Birthday Post
Hello there! As promised, here is my update on my visit with another OB and a second opinion.
My initial/lasting feelings:
He is also my doctor's boss (kind of).
Seriously.
I found the one doctor at an unrelated hospital who has a close relationship with my OB! And I wasn't even going to tell him the name of the practice, but it was on my ultrasound pics. Blaaaaaaaaah.
What he DID tell me, is that my OB is VERY good, and highly recommend. She delivers for him and he recommends her. He thinks I'd be in good hands with her. He wanted to know why I wasn't comfortable telling her my concerns and why I got a second opinion. I think that's a pretty obvious question, but voicing my reasons was a good exercise. I wanted to make sure we're doing the right thing, I felt like my questions weren't answered, I am full of anxiety and needed to do everything I could to make sure I am not messing up again.
So anyways, we have a big decision to make. And I don't really know what to do. I like my OB, she has been GREAT. BUt I also feel trepidation when I go to her office. Now we are in new territory it's getting better. SO I am leaning towards staying with her, especially because switching now just seems like a huge effort and a pain and more stressful. Plus I can have her deliver at his hospital which is where I want to be.
Anyways, it was insane. BUT we are 14.5 today, my Round Ligament Pain is hurting, the weird hip-to-hip pain seems to have abated (i think that was my uterus moving out of my hips). I went on a walk the other day and felt great. Weight seems to be staying steady (which was my goal for now since I am scared to exercise). The green mucus is back, so I'll ask her about that next weekend since it went away with the flagyl dose.
I don't know, we're starting to think we might have this baby. Of course anything can happen, but... I am feeling better. The doctor's second opinion made me feel better. And for that reason alone, I am still considering the switch.
We did go get a crib and a stroller (travel system). So the two items I insisted on being new are purchased (with a coupon). It makes it feel so real, and I know it was too early to ge tthose items, but with the coupon we just couldn't pass it up.
Now I just want to know if I will get an US at my 16 week appointment. If we don't, we'll probably go to a private place and have one done, because I just want to see the baby. We also got the bloodwork done last Friday, so I am hoping we get the genetic screening results back within the next week. And once we hear that and make it to 15 weeks, things will feel so much calmer in my mind. I know I'll always be worried, but at leastwe seem to be making progress.
Now if only the disgusting mucus would go away.
The next question is, do I want to know the gender? I honestly don't. But to prepare, I think I do. I want to be able to get stuff ready, and it's very hard to find gender neutral items (the stroller was a struggle).So I guess I will.... just. Ahh. I don't know
Anyways, I'm starting to ramble. There is still weird pain (hopefulyl it's growing pain) and I feel very unsure of everything, so we're just taking it a day at a time.
A day at a time is all we have.
-Emily
My initial/lasting feelings:
- I love the new doctor.
- He made me feel kind of guilty for coming to him (yea.)
- He told me everything we're doing is good.
- He things if we have another SCH as bad as last time I'd have had a big bleed by now.
- The ultrasound pics are grainy, but he does not see anything major, possibly a small pooling but nothing like last time.
- He'd be willing to work with me.
He is also my doctor's boss (kind of).
Seriously.
I found the one doctor at an unrelated hospital who has a close relationship with my OB! And I wasn't even going to tell him the name of the practice, but it was on my ultrasound pics. Blaaaaaaaaah.
What he DID tell me, is that my OB is VERY good, and highly recommend. She delivers for him and he recommends her. He thinks I'd be in good hands with her. He wanted to know why I wasn't comfortable telling her my concerns and why I got a second opinion. I think that's a pretty obvious question, but voicing my reasons was a good exercise. I wanted to make sure we're doing the right thing, I felt like my questions weren't answered, I am full of anxiety and needed to do everything I could to make sure I am not messing up again.
So anyways, we have a big decision to make. And I don't really know what to do. I like my OB, she has been GREAT. BUt I also feel trepidation when I go to her office. Now we are in new territory it's getting better. SO I am leaning towards staying with her, especially because switching now just seems like a huge effort and a pain and more stressful. Plus I can have her deliver at his hospital which is where I want to be.
Anyways, it was insane. BUT we are 14.5 today, my Round Ligament Pain is hurting, the weird hip-to-hip pain seems to have abated (i think that was my uterus moving out of my hips). I went on a walk the other day and felt great. Weight seems to be staying steady (which was my goal for now since I am scared to exercise). The green mucus is back, so I'll ask her about that next weekend since it went away with the flagyl dose.
I don't know, we're starting to think we might have this baby. Of course anything can happen, but... I am feeling better. The doctor's second opinion made me feel better. And for that reason alone, I am still considering the switch.
We did go get a crib and a stroller (travel system). So the two items I insisted on being new are purchased (with a coupon). It makes it feel so real, and I know it was too early to ge tthose items, but with the coupon we just couldn't pass it up.
Now I just want to know if I will get an US at my 16 week appointment. If we don't, we'll probably go to a private place and have one done, because I just want to see the baby. We also got the bloodwork done last Friday, so I am hoping we get the genetic screening results back within the next week. And once we hear that and make it to 15 weeks, things will feel so much calmer in my mind. I know I'll always be worried, but at leastwe seem to be making progress.
Now if only the disgusting mucus would go away.
The next question is, do I want to know the gender? I honestly don't. But to prepare, I think I do. I want to be able to get stuff ready, and it's very hard to find gender neutral items (the stroller was a struggle).So I guess I will.... just. Ahh. I don't know
Anyways, I'm starting to ramble. There is still weird pain (hopefulyl it's growing pain) and I feel very unsure of everything, so we're just taking it a day at a time.
A day at a time is all we have.
-Emily
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Pregnancy is, above all else, a roller coaster of emotions
I have so many questions that I can't seem to find, and I know I am not the only one having these questions. I know each uterus is a snowflake, but I am starting to think mine is particularly strange.
So yesterday I went in to see my OB and do the "confirmation" appointment. In my mind, this is kind of a waste of time and money, because I've already had bloodwork done, and I was just in in August so there was no need for a Pap or a "Well Woman". So I sat there for an hour and half and left with no news. The only thing we accomplished was getting an ultrasound scheduled for that night, because we are going out of the country this weekend, and I'll be 8 weeks tomorrow, and I'm also high risk. (even if they don't call me that, I am.)
The doctor and I discussed my weight, and how my goal is to be NOT GAINING a lb during this pregnancy, and instead I have permission to lose up to 10lbs. So that is going to be a challenge, but one I am up for. I know I need to lose weight for the health of the baby and the health of ME.
Fast forward to the Ultrasound.
We meet our little tiny baby, and it's heart is beating 173bpm - SUPER STRONG!!! The tech reassures us that there are no hematomas (Praise God). She said if there are any, she couldn't see them. I asked if she saw any fibroids, and she said she did, but she is not qualified to diagnose that. Interesting, because I know that I've read about other women having fibroids and problems. So last night I started my apple cider vinegar (with "The Mother") because this has been found to help shrink fibroids... it is disgusting, but it is for the greater good!
So, introducing "Bazby" (she spelled "Baby" "Bazby" on the image, and I think it's going to stick:
The baby is measuring 7 weeks 5 days, which is spot on from what it should be. She showed us the perfectly round yolk sack, checked my ovaries, and we saw its little heart thump thump thumping away. Amazing, considering I was not entirely sure there was anything in there. I am still somewhat in shock.
Everything was PERFECT. If you've ever experienced a difficult pregnancy, and then one where they tell you everything is fine, then you will know how we felt last night. It was not excitement, it was almost exhaustion. Like weeks of not knowing, and concern, and worry just drained from our bodies. We went home, ate a big salad, and fell asleep.
This morning, I woke up to spotting.
I'm not even fucking kidding there was red bleeding when I wiped. And I am sore. (I think the soreness is from the pressing of the US reader). So, can getting an abdominal ultrasound cause bleeding if they are pressing on you? I am just constantly high and low with this whole process. I woke up expecting today to be a new day of confidence, and my body greets me with blood. Then, I looked at our ultrasound again, and I noticed that there is a strange-looking thing in the exact same spot as last time. This looks like it is not echogenic (I believe that is the correct term) - i.e. it is not solid black, which would mean blood. It is fuzzy and looks like tissue. But when I compare it to the last ultrasound, it is in the same place as the hematoma and the same size. So, is it a hematoma that is clotting or bleeding out? Is it something else? I have no idea. My doctor is supposed to call today, and I will ask her about that. I don't want false confidence with this pregnancy. If I am spotting (Now @ implantation, six weeks, and eight weeks) and there is a hematoma, even a closing one, I want to know. I need to know. I can't hold on to this pregnancy like it is going smoothly if it is not. So I will report back today on what she says. You can see below the two pregnancy pictures. Bazby is on the left, and my angel is on the right with the hematoma circled, and in pink is the space I'm curious about. I will spend some time today looking at other ultrasounds to see if maybe this is a common thing.
I am so torn, you guys. I just want to be happy, but it's not happy when there's bleeding. My husband keeps telling me it's normal. But I know it's not that normal.
-Emily
So yesterday I went in to see my OB and do the "confirmation" appointment. In my mind, this is kind of a waste of time and money, because I've already had bloodwork done, and I was just in in August so there was no need for a Pap or a "Well Woman". So I sat there for an hour and half and left with no news. The only thing we accomplished was getting an ultrasound scheduled for that night, because we are going out of the country this weekend, and I'll be 8 weeks tomorrow, and I'm also high risk. (even if they don't call me that, I am.)
The doctor and I discussed my weight, and how my goal is to be NOT GAINING a lb during this pregnancy, and instead I have permission to lose up to 10lbs. So that is going to be a challenge, but one I am up for. I know I need to lose weight for the health of the baby and the health of ME.
Fast forward to the Ultrasound.
We meet our little tiny baby, and it's heart is beating 173bpm - SUPER STRONG!!! The tech reassures us that there are no hematomas (Praise God). She said if there are any, she couldn't see them. I asked if she saw any fibroids, and she said she did, but she is not qualified to diagnose that. Interesting, because I know that I've read about other women having fibroids and problems. So last night I started my apple cider vinegar (with "The Mother") because this has been found to help shrink fibroids... it is disgusting, but it is for the greater good!
So, introducing "Bazby" (she spelled "Baby" "Bazby" on the image, and I think it's going to stick:
 |
| "BAZBY" |
Everything was PERFECT. If you've ever experienced a difficult pregnancy, and then one where they tell you everything is fine, then you will know how we felt last night. It was not excitement, it was almost exhaustion. Like weeks of not knowing, and concern, and worry just drained from our bodies. We went home, ate a big salad, and fell asleep.
This morning, I woke up to spotting.
I'm not even fucking kidding there was red bleeding when I wiped. And I am sore. (I think the soreness is from the pressing of the US reader). So, can getting an abdominal ultrasound cause bleeding if they are pressing on you? I am just constantly high and low with this whole process. I woke up expecting today to be a new day of confidence, and my body greets me with blood. Then, I looked at our ultrasound again, and I noticed that there is a strange-looking thing in the exact same spot as last time. This looks like it is not echogenic (I believe that is the correct term) - i.e. it is not solid black, which would mean blood. It is fuzzy and looks like tissue. But when I compare it to the last ultrasound, it is in the same place as the hematoma and the same size. So, is it a hematoma that is clotting or bleeding out? Is it something else? I have no idea. My doctor is supposed to call today, and I will ask her about that. I don't want false confidence with this pregnancy. If I am spotting (Now @ implantation, six weeks, and eight weeks) and there is a hematoma, even a closing one, I want to know. I need to know. I can't hold on to this pregnancy like it is going smoothly if it is not. So I will report back today on what she says. You can see below the two pregnancy pictures. Bazby is on the left, and my angel is on the right with the hematoma circled, and in pink is the space I'm curious about. I will spend some time today looking at other ultrasounds to see if maybe this is a common thing.
 |
| Upside down - sorry! |
I am so torn, you guys. I just want to be happy, but it's not happy when there's bleeding. My husband keeps telling me it's normal. But I know it's not that normal.
-Emily
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