Pregnancy is, above all else, a roller coaster of emotions

I have so many questions that I can't seem to find, and I know I am not the only one having these questions. I know each uterus is a snowflake, but I am starting to think mine is particularly strange. 

So yesterday I went in to see my OB and do the "confirmation" appointment. In my mind, this is kind of a waste of time and money, because I've already had bloodwork done, and I was just in in August so there was no need for a Pap or a "Well Woman". So I sat there for an hour and half and left with no news. The only thing we accomplished was getting an ultrasound scheduled for that night, because we are going out of the country this weekend, and I'll be 8 weeks tomorrow, and I'm also high risk. (even if they don't call me that, I am.) 

The doctor and I discussed my weight, and how my goal is to be NOT GAINING a lb during this pregnancy, and instead I have permission to lose up to 10lbs. So that is going to be a challenge, but one I am up for. I know I need to lose weight for the health of the baby and the health of ME.

Fast forward to the Ultrasound.

We meet our little tiny baby, and it's heart is beating 173bpm - SUPER STRONG!!! The tech reassures us that there are no hematomas (Praise God). She said if there are any, she couldn't see them. I asked if she saw any fibroids, and she said she did, but she is not qualified to diagnose that. Interesting, because I know that I've read about other women having fibroids and problems. So last night I started my apple cider vinegar (with "The Mother") because this has been found to help shrink fibroids... it is disgusting, but it is for the greater good! 

So, introducing "Bazby" (she spelled "Baby" "Bazby" on the image, and I think it's going to stick: 

"BAZBY"

The baby is measuring 7 weeks 5 days, which is spot on from what it should be. She showed us the perfectly round yolk sack, checked my ovaries, and we saw its little heart thump thump thumping away. Amazing, considering I was not entirely sure there was anything in there. I am still somewhat in shock. 

Everything was PERFECT. If you've ever experienced a difficult pregnancy, and then one where they tell you everything is fine, then you will know how we felt last night. It was not excitement, it was almost exhaustion. Like weeks of not knowing, and concern, and worry just drained from our bodies. We went home, ate a big salad, and fell asleep. 

This morning, I woke up to spotting.

I'm not even fucking kidding there was red bleeding when I wiped. And I am sore. (I think the soreness is from the pressing of the US reader). So, can getting an abdominal ultrasound cause bleeding if they are pressing on you? I am just constantly high and low with this whole process. I woke up expecting today to be a new day of confidence, and my body greets me with blood. Then, I looked at our ultrasound again, and I noticed that there is a strange-looking thing in the exact same spot as last time. This looks like it is not echogenic (I believe that is the correct term) - i.e. it is not solid black, which would mean blood. It is fuzzy and looks like tissue. But when I compare it to the last ultrasound, it is in the same place as the hematoma and the same size. So, is it a hematoma that is clotting or bleeding out? Is it something else? I have no idea. My doctor is supposed to call today, and I will ask her about that. I don't want false confidence with this pregnancy. If I am spotting (Now @ implantation, six weeks, and eight weeks) and there is a hematoma, even a closing one, I want to know. I need to know. I can't hold on to this pregnancy like it is going smoothly if it is not. So I will report back today on what she says. You can see below the two pregnancy pictures. Bazby is on the left, and my angel is on the right with the hematoma circled, and in pink is the space I'm curious about. I will spend some time today looking at other ultrasounds to see if maybe this is a common thing. 

Upside down - sorry! 

I am so torn, you guys. I just want to be happy, but it's not happy when there's bleeding. My husband keeps telling me it's normal. But I know it's not that normal. 


-Emily