Out with the old, in with the new.
I have never before felt that was so much my mantra as I have this year. 2015 was a turbulent and not quite wonderful year for our family. The fact that we are just two days away from 2016 - a "9" year, which my friend who is into astrology says is a wonderful thing because it means positive change and in tarot it means energy of attainment and renewal ... (not that I believe in that stuff, per se... ;) - a year of change sounds really great. Positive change. I can feel it, I can feel the past year sloughing away as we slide into 2016.
The energy seems to be all around us. I know many, many people who are quite ready for the countdown to Midnight January 1st, 2016. This year was full of trials, tribulations, challenges, growth, and awakenings. I think we will carry these teachings into the new year.
Anyways, I just wanted to check in and let you know how things are progressing, because apparently things are progressing. So much so that I have joined the "August 2016 Birth Club" on BabyCenter. That's brave, bold, and unexpected. But I love hearing stories from pregnant women due in August, like us, who are unaffected by loss and sadness. They are excited--posting pictures of their ultrasounds and planning when to have a baby shower, and discussing what they want to eat. As much as I love my support groups, and plan to stay active with them, I do enjoy the less ominous feel I get from these new or second, third, fourth time moms who may have experienced loss, but are looking positively towards the future.
So I have decided to try to stay as positive as possible, and just be happy with whatever outcome we have. Because I have learned that "que sera, sera" and what will be, will be.
Our unoffiical due date would be August 26, 2016. I love that number, so many loops! 9-26-16.
I am currently so hungry I could eat multiple cows a day. I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop and get sick. I woke up slightly nauseous at 3 AM today, but nothing came of it. Though, my last pregnancy I was hardly ever sick. Just occasionally in the afternoon my stomach would turn. Last time I hated sweets, and I am still not into chocolate, but last night for dinner I wanted a McFlurry. Just a McFlurry. So that is different.
I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for January 13th at 10:15AM with Doctor W. this would be 7 weeks, 5 days along, which means we should get a heartbeat, image of the baby, and dating. Assuming she does an US, but after our last experience, I have a feeling she will if she can. If not, we'll schedule an ultrasound for 8 weeks (see, I think we'll just do it).
I guess, until then, we'll just keep doing what we're doing and staying positive. So far, there has been no spotting, and I do not have that wonky pain on my left side that I had the entire time with our angel baby. I actually don't hardly feel anything at all, except hungry and exhausted (i.e. going to bed at 7:30pm). And the constant peeing and thirst. But honestly, not much else. I am also taking this as a good sign.
I checked my calendar, and last time I visited the doctor in a panic on June 11, when I was 7 weeks, 2 days. I had been spotting and uncomfortable, and knew something was wrong. That was when she found the hematoma. And I had kept bleeding consistently since then. I already feel better about this. And even if there is no baby, or it's chemical, or even if I lose it this week or next, at least we know that we are capable of getting pregnant again (um, rather easily... as my husband would point out). So that is all positive, and I feel good. I feel like, for the first time in a while, that I could possibly be capable of doing this. Although 9 months seems like an excruciatingly long time for my body to behave, I have hope. I have faith. And I have love. And I am praying that we can make it through this.
Also, we put our deposit down on a puppy, so I will have a squishy, fat, puppy nugget to squeeze regardless of what happens. ;)
-Emily
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