I'm so FRIGGIN ANNOYED.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

- Vent - 

Can I just start off with that? 

That is how I feel today. This week. I am so beyond annoyed. What is the next best word? Hang on, I'll go look it up... exacerbated. I am exacerbated. 

Work is ... not going as planned. We are extremely busy, NO ONE is in the holiday spirit, and I didn't take any time off of work, so I honestly don't know when I'll be getting my Christmas stuff done. I guess after work. We usually slow down around this time of year, but I honestly feel like it's ramping up somehow. 

This morning I was awake at four, and after fighting with my greasy hair (thanks to a new shampoo I tried---it was a FAIL), not finding work clothes, and struggling to get makeup on, I left home in the dark to head to our old apartment because my husband's custom-made gift was sitting on the porch and honestly, it isn't the nicest of neighborhoods to leave packages out on the front porch unattended (in the move, some mail is still going to the old place). 

I am hungry. I am soo tired. I have so much to do before Thursday, and the frustrating part is that it's stuff I WANT to do. So it's not like saying "I'm not going to do it" is really an option. 

And, last night my husband convinced me we could have sex, which I've been saying no to until we know what is going on in my uterus, and instead of being strong, I said yes, and I woke up this morning to really tight cramping. Almost exactly like how I felt the day before I miscarried. 

I know that sex won't CAUSE a subchorionic hematoma, or even a miscarriage, but since everytime we had sex last time I would bleed, now I am just basically terrified of it. So I am also very mad that I gave in and possibly harmed the fetus. And I'm VERY VERY VERY flustered.

The hormones on top of anxiety on top of Christmas on top of an apathetic husband (he probably ISN'T apathetic, but I feellike he is) I am just.... AOInoeifnfmwsoijojoiSSOIJGOEGMWOEIGMSDGIOm. AHH. 

Done. I am done. I want to go home and sleep and not think about anything. I don't want to be at work. I wish I had taken time off around the holidays. I know I'm using my vacation for Ireland, but I'm so crampy, tired, in pain, and EXASPERATED that I just feel like the Grinch and I am hateful of all things.

*hooray hormones* 

- End Vent. -

-Emily