Spring Cleaning

I read an interesting article last night that said patients who are told to log symptoms had almost double the amount of negative feelings, perceived worsening symptoms, or additional symptoms. Apparently, the practice of writing out problems adds to them, almost like a snowball growing as it rolls down a hill (and eventually turning into an avalanche). 

With that in mind, I want to change the format of my journaling slightly. I still am going to be 100% honest about what I'm experiencing, but I will try to throw in some positives, too. Sometimes, the positives get lost in the craziness. 

After my crazy cleaning frenzy on Sunday, I have officially slowed down on the brown bleeding. There is still slight discharge, but it is nothing like that Monday afternoon. This tells me I need to keep taking it easy until that baby gets a little bigger. Next Tuesday is the appointment, and I'm hoping we get a scan scheduled quickly so we can get an idea of what is happening. I decided to keep taking the aspirin. After reading several studies and outcomes across the globe, there appears to be very little evidence that baby aspirin  causes defects. And for women with clotting issues, is used to almost term. I do not think I will need to take it to term, but I think I am okay for now. Again, we'll see what happens next week. The hematoma shrunk from week 8 to week 10 and I was not taking the aspirin, so maybe I will wait until next week to see if it is continuing to go down in size. 

I will tell you, I keep a pair of "miscarriage" pants in my work bag, in case I get another huge gush of blood. Is that morbid? Probably. but it makes me feel better. And I am yet to get excited. I've mentally told myself that 20 weeks I will start feeling better. But sometimes, I let just the smallest inkling of positivity through, and I realize how truly, fully, 100% I want this child happy and healthy. 

So, some positive things I've been experiencing, that maybe don't sound positive, but since I didn't have these last time, they are positive to me - 

• OUTRAGEOUS hormones. I am a nut job. Seriously. Everything makes me weep, or angry, or happy. And it bounces around hourly. I'm not even kidding you, this is insane. 
• Nausea. Every morning, sometimes gagging, often times smell-based, rarely puking (only once) but just extreme nausea. 
• Fatigue (okay that was there last time :) ). 
• Constipation. Prune juice every night is what the doctor ordered. Once I get too backed up I feel like I am the size of a beach ball. It's nuts! Our friends told us that they had the husband physically clean out the wife's bottom side when it happened. That's not even an option for us, so prune juice it is.
• Food aversions and cravings. Last time I wanted Mac n Cheese and fried chicken. This time I want fruit juice, cakes, sweets, and FRESH food. I will walk an extra mile to get something that looks "real" instead of something processed. (let's hope that mentality continues on)
• Knock on wood, no major bleeds. I might kick myself for saying this if it does happen, but for now I'm going to count my blessings that I have not had one of these yet.  
• Nipples feel like tiny little needs are stabbing them anytime they get rubbed up against, knocked, or touched. They are ANGRY.

See? There are positives this time that I did not have last time, and because of that, I am going to hope and pray that this baby is healthy, and we are on track. :) The higher heart rate still gives me pause, but I will ask the doctor about that next week. 

I also think we might be getting closer to the second trimester physically, because I am no longer dead asleep by 6pm. It's good stuff. 

Anyways, as always, I will keep this updated with my decisions and what I'm doing. Unfortunately, I was not able to keep taking all my vitamins. It just made me gag. So I need to get back to it. Progesterone, pre natal, and vinger for now. I want to add back in vitamin K and e and omega 3s. I am stopping by Target today to grab some more. 

Alright, that's it for today. 
-Emily