I don't know why this is happening, but I am beside myself today with anxiety. Fear. I had a nightmare that we lost the baby and I woke up KNOWING it was true (it wasn't).
Last night the disgusting brown spotting/mucus came back. Interestingly, it followed what I believe is my uterus stretching/growing. I'm so freaked out. I'm not going to lie. I know we're past our last loss, but I thought we were in the clear. More blood - of any color - is not a step forward.
I think this pregnancy is just going to keep these little steps forward, step back. Because I don't think believe that this is going to be easy.
So I called the OB, and they said if it turns red we need to come in. But I have decided that I will go see the second doctor for a second opinion next week.
Here is my reasoning -
My OB is great, but I have severe anxiety and sitting in her waiting room brings back all of the horrible memories from last time.
When I went for testing/advice last time, I was told "it was a fluke" by both the OB and a specialist. And now here we are again with another hematoma.
I am not considered high risk. Even with spotting in 2nd trimester, and a 2nd trimester loss.
I have not had a cervical exam since this pregnancy. And while, at the time, it makes me happy not to have to deal with that, I feel like it should be done.
Maybe I'm overreacting, but I am going to go see another doctor and just get their feedback/opinion about what we're doing, and see if there is something else we should be doing, or if everything sounds fine as-is. Mostly though, the anxiety is my biggest concern. It is building even despite making it past our loss day, and the brown spotting is freaking me out.
I'm such a mess. I need to let it go and relax, but it's very hard.
My friend told me her friend's daughter's name means "relax" in Jamaican... I am thinking I need to "Irie" myself.
-Emily
More over the weekend if any developments, and if not, more Monday evening/Tuesday morning.
Hoping there are no updates this weekend and everything is A-OKay.
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