Adrift in a sea of craziness

There's a lot going on right now. I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty overwhelmed.

But this is a good overwhelmed, it is a lot of change, and that is something I've been missing in my life for the past few years. 

So first things first, I never called the doctor back. I need to do that. I don't know why I haven't. I guess part of me doesn't want to know, and another part of me thinks it's all fine that is why I haven't heard from him, and ANOTHER part of me thinks it's their responsibility to call me if I have some horrible life changing problem. (Right?!) 

I guess with that in mind, there is probably no problem. And then the "I should still call them" cycle begins again.  Maybe  I will just do it today and get it over with. Bleh. 

Well, we put a bid on a house, and they accepted, so it looks like we are buying a house. We were preapproved for a loan, so now we just have to make sure we can get that loan, and the inspection is Thursday. Something feels right about getting a house before a baby. The master has a nursery attached, so we'll have a baby room attached to our room. There are two bedrooms, so we'll have a guest room, and eventually the baby will move into that room. And there is a finished basement. It's everything we need. As much as I miss Scrumbles, I know that our next baby will be so much happier growing up in an incredible neighborhood, with a house to call his/her own, and a puppy to snuggle with, and a better life than what we would have had just a few months ago. I am pretty excited, and happy that it's happening so soon.

My husband is insisting we wait until we go to Ireland before we start trying again. As much as I want to be angry at him for it, I do think it makes the most sense. I want to be pregnant so badly, and I'm watching as my baby boards friends are all conceiving. I feel like we are wasting time on an arbitrary date. But I know we will have more fun and be more relaxed if we aren't worried about the pregnacny. The stress of traveling, the concern about flying, drinking Whiskey. I know it will be magical if we can experience the trip together. But my biological clock doesn't stop ticking just because I tell it to. And now that we have a REAL LIFE HOUSE in an incredible city it feels even more important to get pregnant. I think we will have to temper that desire with staying busy, exercising, and working on getting the house move-in ready.We also volunteered to have either Christmas or New Years parties, so it will be really fun to be with family and friends around the holidays in our new place. We sign on December 18, which means we will have a house for Christmas. I know that 2016 is going to be a better year. I know it is going to be full of changes and love and building new things and experiences. I cannot wait. 

Alright, changing gears. I am going to tell you a little story. Three months ago I had a second trimester miscarriage. I holed myself away from social events, society, and people. I decided that by Halloween I would be ready to go back out, and that timing was pretty accurate. In that time, my close friends stuck by me, but I was still keeping them at an arm's length. I hadn't seen any extended family since 4th of July. When Halloween rolled around and I was ready to get back out there and live my life, what I realized is that no one was there waiting for me. My friends had forgotten me. Life went on. They made plans without me. I half expected a last minute Halloween party to pop up. We did get two offers, but one was with a friend who hadn't talked to me or asked how I was doing or even knew we had a miscarriage. So. No. The other was a friend who was going to her mom's house. And as fun as that would have been, we would have been the awkward couple that tagged along. 

I guess it taught me a valuable lesson. and that lesson is stick with your family. and don't waste time with people who don't care about you. And that I am a changed person. And there is really no going back. That life before was different, and I feel now how truly connected I am to my husband and how we have eachother and need to stick with each other no matter how bad the world around us gets. I love him so much. 

So, after waking up on November 1st and feeling very alone (not alone alone, but alone in the friends area) I made this list. It is going to be how I live my life from now on. Even though I am incredibly shy, this list will be my new mantra: 

BE KIND
BE CLEAR
BE BRAVE
DON'T WASTE TIME (on people that don't matter)
BE EFFICIENT 
BE CALM
BREATHE

You are welcome to use my list. :) I am finding it helps tremendously in all things. 

Emily

High Risk OB / Periantologist

In the fight to control some of my surroundings (since I am losing control of my emotions on  an hourly basis--which results in listening to the recorded baby heartbeat and sobbing uncontrollably) I decided to take control of my situation and book an appointment with a specialist/high risk ob/periantologist. 

Our appointment is in October once my hormones settle down from this pregnancy. I am going to be compiling a list of tests that need to be done. It is is also important to know that my mother has Factor V Leiden. I was tested for Factor V 5 years ago, and tested negative. However, they did not test for any other clotting disorders. Apparently, my mother also had parvovirus. So if she had that before/during pregnancy with me, that is another possibility for SCH. 

Current lists of tests I want done: 

- Clotting disease
- Bleeding disease
- Parvovirus
- Lupus Anticoagulant
- Thyroid (was tested for this once, so I do not think I need it again, but it's on the list) 
- Phospholipid
- Progesterone insufficiency
- HCG insufficiency 
- Fibroids


Until then, I am planning on losing as much  weight as possible (before this baby I was at 280 lbs... I know I know...) By 14 weeks I was holding steady at 296. By end of October, I need to be down to 275. That is the current goal. So my plan: 

- Cross Fit
- Running (love running, had to stop with SCH)
- Yoga 
- Aerobics 
- Healthy diet 
- Daily green shakes 
- Vitamins: C, E, K
- Cinnamon
- Cayenne Pepper
- Wheat Grass
- PreNatals
- 1 tbls. Apple Cider Vinegar / day 


I have downloaded the app "Habits" that helps me keep track of when to take things and when I planned on exercising. It will remind me when I forgot something or skipped something. Of course, I can not start exercising until cleared at the next ultrasound by my current doctor, but once I am done bleeding and feeling better, back to the gym. 

-Emily

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."
-Proverbs 19:21