After spending the night thinking through options, here are the three things that might happen:
1. We are on the other side of a miscarriage, levels will go down, and I will miscarry naturally before our appointment on Wednesday.
2. We are on the other side of a miscarriage, levels will go down, but the progesterone is keeping me from miscarrying naturally, so we will need to do a D&C next week before we leave for Ireland.
3. Everything is fine.
That is quite the wide range of possibilities, but I think it covers everything. In all honesty, I am hoping that it's option 2 or 3, another week of bleeding sounds horrible to me after July, and I'd like my OB to check out my uterus to make sure it is shaped correctly and does not have any problems with it.
So yea, we'll just have to wait and see what is happening. At this point, I really have no idea. But I do know that the appointment at the fertility clinic is booked. I have no idea why they are not putting me on suppositories for progesterone (many times more effective than oral). I also wish we could get an ultrasound done before we go another week. But, I bought a fetal doppler (it was on super sale, don't judge me!) to try to see if we can hear anything (I know it's early and I'm fat so it's very unlikely we'd find the heartbeat, but I loved having the doppler before when I rented one, so I'd like to have one going forward.)
My husband and I also discussed our long term options last night. And we decided that if this keeps happening, and my body can't sustain a pregnancy, there will be a time when we tap out and say 'no more'. And we'll pursue other options for our lives. It's a sad conversation to have, but we both have big dreams and goals, and while we want children, we also know that we aren't going to go to extremes and keep putting ourselves through this pain.
-Emily
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