Tuesday, August 4, 2015

WIP - The day we started to miscarry.

The Tuesday Before the Loss, my notes: 

I’m at thirteen weeks and four days. The spotting brown hasn’t stopped since our “big bleed” on July 10. Some days it’s lighter than others. Occasionally, it’s heavier if I have a full stomach or if I ate too much. The goal is to get to 20 weeks, when the baby can grow big enough to put some pressure on the clot and help break it up.

I was diagnosed with a Subchorionic Hematoma (SCH) at seven weeks when I was experiencing pain near my left hip and off and on spotting the prior two weeks of my pregnancy. My original OB (referred to me by a friend) did not have time to see me and do an ultrasound. They told me to go to the Triage center if the bleeding got worse. I quickly found myself a new OB who brought me and did an in-office Ultrasound for me. Dr. W might have saved our pregnancy.

She graciously did an ultrasound for a very panicky me, and found the hematoma.  Subchorionic hematomas, or hemorrhages, are very common in pregnancy. Although it doesn’t appear that there are many studies on them, they appear to not be at all standard, despite their commonality. The size, location, shape, and type of bleed can all affect the pregnancy in different ways. Our hematoma was on the right side of the sac, just below the placenta. It is crescent-shaped and started out as a thin line (it reminded me of the Cheshire Cat’s grin). But, the baby had a heartbeat, and looked like a gummy bear. I was so relieved to see the baby that nothing else mattered at that point.

After the ultrasound, Dr. W told me, in more eloquent terms than I am using now, that we’ll “just see what happens.” She sent me home with prenatals, delivery options (which she recommended I wait to read until we get further along in the pregnancy), and instructions to get my blood drawn at the local Path Group.

I went straight to the lab to get that taken care of, despite extreme fear of blood, and waited. The following Monday, Dr. W called me with very worrying news—my HCG levels were below average, and I was on the low to unsustainable levels of progesterone. She quickly prescribed a supplement that I was to take that evening. [Although progesterone does nothing once the placenta takes over, I am dutifully taking my pill every night. Please remember that I am extremely anxious. Just getting off of Prozac when we saw our BFP.]

About a month went by and everything seemed alright. The wonky pain by my hip would come and go, but I am still not sure if that is not just an unhealed horseback riding accident.
As we progressed, the clot grew wider, but not longer, from what I can tell. I have yet to be given any measurements by the OB (probably to not freak out an already anxiety-laden mom-to-be.) On Sunday, July 26, I started feeling… off. Hot, flushed, and I had lost my appetite completely. I stayed in bed all day except to make myself dinner. I assumed it was the bed rest making me feel the touch of cabin fever. But on Monday, I didn’t feel much better. I took my daily nap on my lunch break at work, and went to class after work to turn in a final. By the time I got home, I was not hungry, very tired, and felt like a bleed was coming on. My uterus felt a little sore, like I had overdone it that day.
The next morning, I woke up and was having serious cramping. When I went to the bathroom I had a gush of dark brown blood. It felt similar to my ‘big bleed’ but less volume, and it was definitely brown bleeding. I started panicking a little, which caused me to get shaky and a little nauseous. The bleeding continued throughout the morning and I was slowly filling up overnight pads with 100% brown blood. The forums all say this is good, but it didn’t feel good, because I was also cramping.
We checked the baby’s heartbeat on the Doppler, and I went to work. Having cleared my schedule, I sat with my feet up and listened to music while getting through my daily routine. It’s very hard to concentrate when you are going through this, but I do think having something to keep your mind busy helps. By this point, the cramps were like waves rolling over my body. Similar to a period cramp, but less painful.

I was a little worried these were labor cramps, but until I saw red blood, I wasn’t going to panic. The ER explicitly told me that if I was filling overnight pads more than one an hour for an extended period of time to come in. But if it was slower than that, I should be okay. Also, last time I was not hemorrhaging, it was from the hematoma. I have a known cause of bleeding, and brown blood is reportedly okay.

 I just wish I knew what was going on inside my body. Like I mentioned earlier, this is all very specific and relative to each individual pregnancy, so you can kind of get a sense of what is happening, but nothing is confirmed. Around 9 AM I needed to use the restroom. I hadn’t had a decent bowel movement in two days, so I wondered if the cramps were related to that. It seemed to help slightly—the bloated feeling I had been walking around with decreased slightly. But the cramps were still there. It felt slightly like a giant vice was gripping my hips and either pulling or pushing them apart. As the pain in my hips decreased, it moved up my body and felt like a muscle spasm.
Around 2pm (same time as the bleed on July 10th) I stood up to refill my water and blood was gushing down my legs. I had filled an overnight pad in a matter of seconds. I had to strip down at work and try to dry myself off as best as possible. I guess the key here is to keep an extra pair of pants and underwear at my desk at all times if this is going to be a regular occurrence.


I decided to stay at work and see if I could curb the bleeding by sitting back at my desk with my feet propped up. Although it isn’t stopping, there have been no giant gushes like the first time. That is not to say there won’t be, just that it hasn’t happened yet. Currently, I am filling about one pad every hour and a half, which is just below what the baby Triage center said to come in for. I know once I get home and lay down this will improve. Oddly, my stomach almost feels better. The uterus is … tight? Or sore. Almost like it just ran a marathon. But the weird cramping is gone. I just feel fatigued and thirsty. Thank God for family. My mother is picking me up in 40 minutes and will take care of me tonight. My husband is off tomorrow and more of the same. It is at this point in life that I am so grateful we did not try to do this overseas. . . 

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