Alright, we have made it to viability, or at least as close as possible.
Huge. Massive. Intense. INSANE. Deep breath and sigh of relief.
I know if she came right now it'd be a hit or miss situation, and we'd have problems for the rest of her life, but just knowing they'd work to save her, it makes me feel sooo much better. So, while all the prayers go up that she stays healthy and strong in there, and grows fully and comes on time, I am also sleeping a little more restfully knowing we are at that point in this pregnancy.
That being said, I was reading some horror stories of placental abruption, and freaking myself out. Stupid internet stories. It's good to be aware, but I also think it's almost time for me to shut off the web and stop worrying. At this point it can only hurt things.
Anyways, this weekend she was soo active. Dancing around and kicking her little house like she was a ninja. Both days she was up at 4:30, again at 6:00 and off and on throughout the day. Granted, I was laying down the majority of the weekend. Today, I didn't feel her until 8:30. I'm not going to lie, it had me a little panicked.
Friday night I moved our table, and I think I pulled a muscle in my side. So that is freaking me out too. Luckily I get to go see my doctor on Wednesday, and I am hoping she will let me see her, show me she doesn't have a cord problem right now, and just make me rest easier. Sooo hopeful. She knows about my anxiety, so maybe she'll give us another sneak preview of our little one.
One thing I did realize this weekend is that even if something goes wrong I can't withhold my love from her. If she doesn't make it, then all we have to give her is this time. So I need to give her every ounce of love I can muster. And if we make it through this, she'll have it for the rest of her life, and if not, I'll know she was the most loved baby while she was with us. I know that is maybe not a super healthy mentality, but I think it's the healthiest mentality I can have with where I'm at in my anxiety and fear of things going south. If that makes any sense.
So for now, we just take it a day at a time, and see what happens. Friday and Saturday I felt very ill. Like sick, nauseous, hot, agitated. Sunday was better. Today, again, I don't feel very good. Just uncomfortable, pain going from my left rib down to my left hip. Agitated, irritated, and sleepy. I can't wait to go home and lay down and relax. I am looking forward to a short workday on Wednesday and a trip to my doctor. I am also seirously looking forward to pools opening. With the PGP hip pain I haven't been walking as much, and I can feel how that is affecting my body. I am ready for some weightless exercise.
So, keep sending prayers if you are, and I'll keep trying to get this little bean through safely, and hoping she gives me some kick feedback today.
Also, I think she moved up this weekend, so that shift changes EVERYTHING.
Alright, a little disjointed, but glad I got a blog written. More on Wednesday.
-Em
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