Alright, so it's been a while since a real update. Here's where we're at:
1.5cm dialated
Baby weighing in at 7lbs 3oz
Glucose levels hovering between 74-130 (Yay!) (But eating more to try to keep them above 90, so ... might be gaining more weight?)
Might be losing some of my mucus plug, but not confirmed
So at the last doctor appointment I was told - basically - that because of my obesity, we are screwed either way. Hear me out. The baby's head and bones are all slowing down and measuring correctly 37 weeks. However, her abdomen is measuring 40 weeks. Which puts us at risk for shoulder displasia if she comes vaginally and is too big (i.e. 39/40 weeks). If she comes early (this week or next) we might be okay, as my doctor thinks my body could handle a 7 or 8 lb baby.
However, if she doesn't come early, we will have to do a c-section. But, because of my excessive amounts of fat, I am at risk for "wound breakdown". Yes, something new to worry about. Basically, the weight keeps the stitches from healing properly and the wound breaks down. Which could require debridement. And honestly? I'm scared it could permanently ruin my uterus. I could be barren at 28 because I'm fat.
Doctor also told us that if she comes now, she should be okay size-wise and functionally good. So in my head, this means "okay baby, time to come." I'm praying she makes her appearance within the next 10 days. Preventing a c-section, and preventing shoulder displasia. Which, by the way, can result in broken collar bone or PARALYSIS.
After hearing these possibilities, I am pretty heartbroken. My poor life choices have resulted in me or my baby being hurt, me being infertile, or even more complications. I know I worked very hard on the diabetes meal plan, but I do wish I could try again and be even better so it never got this bad. I was very good, but not perfect. I know that. And I'm mortified. What I do know is that I will never, ever, ever be this heavy again, and I will never go through pregnancy this heavy again. And I will also start weaning myself off of caffeine and fake sugars and try to live as healthily as possible and also up my workout schedule. This is going to require a life change. And also a life change for my baby's sake so she never has this issue either.
I'm just... sad. Sad that there is a tiny human in me who we can't get out without danger unless she decides to come on her own, and let's be honest, what first time baby comes 3 weeks early when they're all snug and cozy in there? I am very concerned.
Not to mention, work has been insane. I'm training my temporary replacement, which has proven to be more of a challenge than I like to admit. There is some sense of control I dislike letting go. But more than that, she is very grabby, and also not very thorough. So I am seeing mistakes and worried about leaving. I know it will all work out, but I was hoping for a smoother transition. There are also questions about my job, which I believe will result in a positive outcome, but for the time being it is disconcerting and worrying and stressful. I was hoping these last few weeks would be calm and a time to wrap up. Instead, I'm just being bombarded with new challanges, and by Friday I want to curl into a ball and sleep/cry.
The thing they don't HONESTLY tell you about working full time and pregnancy? Your brain just doesn't work the same. Your body is physically exhausted. And you just. don't. care. Like, you want to, and you try your hardest, but the only thing that matters is your tiny baby in your tummy. And how can anything matter more than that ever? It's been difficult. I care so deeply about my job, my team, my performance, our products.... and it's weird walking away from it for 3 months, and handing over all of my responsibilites to someone. Which is very scary. What if she is better than me? What if they find my position unnecessary? What if they find mistakes while I'm out and fire me? All of these things are anxiety speaking, and I'm sure once baby gets here they'll hardly matter, but it's making my last month of work very stressful.
Not to mention, I still have THREE WEEKS LEFT. I don't know how that is even possible. My best friend is pregnant and she is already 1/2 way through her pregnancy. How do I still have almost a month left? There are only nine months in this process, and the last one truly does take an eternity. Having anxiety, fear, and exhaustion, oh and being obese and terrified of the outcome -- those all play into it, I am sure.
Sorry, I had this beautiful, bright sunny mentality last week, and this week it's like I can't even force myself to get out of bed. My brain is full, my heart is heavy, and i'm thinking this is post-partum kicking in early. My doctor is already aware, and we will address that with medication.
I just want that happiness back. But between work, health, fat, finances, husband, I am distracted and worried and not a damn thing seems to be helping, because once I tackle one demon, another pops up.
I guess that is life, and we have to learn to get through it together. I will console myself by going to the tax free weekend sale at Once Upon a Child and getting some cute baby items and telling myself that no matter what happens to me, this baby is my number 1 priority and her health is all that matters.
Now, to roll around on my exercise ball, drink Red Raspberry Leaf Tea, and eat pineapples. Oh and walk. Come on baby, be ready. We're so ready for you.
Em
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Friday, August 5, 2016
Monday, July 25, 2016
come on tiny baby, we only have a few weeks left...
That is what I keep saying to this child. Come on tiny baby, we don't have long now. Hang in there, be okay. I must admit, my anxiety is pretty high right now. We are so, so very deeply invested in this life-changing process and our daughter being here. I am TERRIFIED of anything going wrong. Husband has asked me to get off of google/forums. I am trying to, but sometimes I freak out and look something up and BAM, there is someone who had a placental abruption at 35 weeks (out of the blue) and lost their son.
I realize we are being monitored more heavily than others, but it still scares me. Saturday night I had what looked like light spotting. I was a hot mess after that. We decided to wait it out and see, as it wasn't clearly blood. Nothing happened again, so I think we're okay. And baby was moving like CRAZY. Everyone tells me (including the OB) that movement is good, no movement is bad. And lots of movement is good too. So as long as I feel her, it's okay.
I've also been doing kick counts twice a day. Once after breakfast, once before bed. She flipped around I think ,so now her head is facing either out or left, because I'm feeling much more movement when she is moving. However, we do have a lot of sleepy times. I am trying to keep stress levels down at work so she is calmer and so am I. That way consciously feel for her throughout the day.
I feel like in the past week my stomach has just grown massively. Coworkers and randos on the street are asking when I'm due. I'm like, we've got another month left, at least. They can't believe it. I believe my 21.3cm of amniotic fluid makes me look bigger. I also found out it can cause cord problems or prolapsed cords. Seriously, have to stop reading the boards. But I am going to make a list of things that scare me and address them with the doctor this week. My therapist thinks I should write them out and hand her the list so I can't get shy and not ask. So that is the plan, and husband will be accompanying me for this appointment. It's my first cervical check, AND an ultrasound, and an NST, and an appointment. It's going to be a long morning.
Anyways, I'm huge, very uncomfortable, very nervous, and ready for her to be here safely. I know people keep telling me to 'enjoy' this last time before your life changes forever. But honestly? I have been waiting for her for so long now.... I just want her. We're so ready. I know our lives will be impacted in ways we can't even imagine. But it's going to be so, so wonderful to have our family.
At work, I am training the temp, who told me today she is feeling overwhelmed. I need to step back and take more steps to cover basics with her. I thought she was frustrated I wasn't giving her enough work, but turns out I was sending too much. She will be fine, and they'll cover me when I'm gone without a problem, so I am feeling calmer about this all. But yes. Crazy.
So the mural is almost done in the nursery. Pictures below. We're so close! Now we just need a few more items:
And that's about it!! There is a lot more we will need:
The list goes on, but what I want to have here before she arrives is almost ready! So exciting.
We'll do one big final sweep through Target and Babies R Us and get any last minute items. I have all of this breastfeeding stuff, so I am hoping we can make that work. I've attended our birthing class and our nursing class. We've got our birth plan written. Now I just ... wait. And you all know just how well I wait (not very well). 31 days if we make it to due date. 21 days left of work.
In our packed bags are:
Husband Bag -
Emily & Baby Bag -
Labor Bag -
I'm sure there's more, but that's the essentials.
So I was reading a story about a girl who has Type 1 diabetes, had a breech baby last pregnancy and had a c-section, and wants to do a VBAC. Her doctor and MFM has told her (basically) if it happens it happens, but she is very upset and wants her VBAC. At term. I am so scared of anything happening that I am all like "you want to take her on 38 weeks? Yes, please.". I don't understand how people can have such differing opinions. But I value reading them, because it helps keep mine in perspective. I hope she gets what she wants, but for me, I am so nervous of making a wrong decision, that I'll take a c-section if it's the only way. That being said, I will be upping my Red Raspberry Leaf tea intake to two cups/day starting this Friday. And up to 3 cups next week. I can feel her pushing on my bladder and cervix, and my pee trips at night have jumped from 2 to anywhere between 4-7. So while I know que sera sera, i think this baby is making her way to the exit, as Semisonic would say.
Okay I've started seriously nervous-rambling. What else do I want to record for posterity...
- my counselor is wanting me to check in with her after appointments to help keep anxiety at bay
- work... i don't know. it's just a big cluster sometimes. I don't know what to do about that
- no spotting or blood when i wipe, and good movement
- baby appears to have her head on my left side now, with legs on the left, butt on the right
- I'm not terrified of labor, maybe I should be? But the thought of getting there just makes me happy
- Constantly exhausted
- We put LED lights in the baby room. Which is the coolest thing ever. And our storage freezer arrives today.
- I will ask my doctor about tubular breasts... maybe. Maybe I don't want to know!
- Have started leaking colostrum. This morning Iwoke up with actual hardened beads. That's a first!
okay, more Wednesday.
-Emily
I realize we are being monitored more heavily than others, but it still scares me. Saturday night I had what looked like light spotting. I was a hot mess after that. We decided to wait it out and see, as it wasn't clearly blood. Nothing happened again, so I think we're okay. And baby was moving like CRAZY. Everyone tells me (including the OB) that movement is good, no movement is bad. And lots of movement is good too. So as long as I feel her, it's okay.
I've also been doing kick counts twice a day. Once after breakfast, once before bed. She flipped around I think ,so now her head is facing either out or left, because I'm feeling much more movement when she is moving. However, we do have a lot of sleepy times. I am trying to keep stress levels down at work so she is calmer and so am I. That way consciously feel for her throughout the day.
I feel like in the past week my stomach has just grown massively. Coworkers and randos on the street are asking when I'm due. I'm like, we've got another month left, at least. They can't believe it. I believe my 21.3cm of amniotic fluid makes me look bigger. I also found out it can cause cord problems or prolapsed cords. Seriously, have to stop reading the boards. But I am going to make a list of things that scare me and address them with the doctor this week. My therapist thinks I should write them out and hand her the list so I can't get shy and not ask. So that is the plan, and husband will be accompanying me for this appointment. It's my first cervical check, AND an ultrasound, and an NST, and an appointment. It's going to be a long morning.
Anyways, I'm huge, very uncomfortable, very nervous, and ready for her to be here safely. I know people keep telling me to 'enjoy' this last time before your life changes forever. But honestly? I have been waiting for her for so long now.... I just want her. We're so ready. I know our lives will be impacted in ways we can't even imagine. But it's going to be so, so wonderful to have our family.
At work, I am training the temp, who told me today she is feeling overwhelmed. I need to step back and take more steps to cover basics with her. I thought she was frustrated I wasn't giving her enough work, but turns out I was sending too much. She will be fine, and they'll cover me when I'm gone without a problem, so I am feeling calmer about this all. But yes. Crazy.
So the mural is almost done in the nursery. Pictures below. We're so close! Now we just need a few more items:
- swing
- baby wearing carrier (ergobaby or lillebabty)
- some more packs of onesies
- some more sleepers
- swaddlers for both newborn and next size up
- a couple more burp cloths
- a few more receiving blankets
- nipple guards (I think I might have tubular breasts :( I don't know for sure, but just in case these shields might help...)
And that's about it!! There is a lot more we will need:
- baby walker
- high chair
- running stroller
- boppy chair
- boppy pillow
- extra crib mattress (for our Secure Beginnings mattress)
The list goes on, but what I want to have here before she arrives is almost ready! So exciting.
We'll do one big final sweep through Target and Babies R Us and get any last minute items. I have all of this breastfeeding stuff, so I am hoping we can make that work. I've attended our birthing class and our nursing class. We've got our birth plan written. Now I just ... wait. And you all know just how well I wait (not very well). 31 days if we make it to due date. 21 days left of work.
In our packed bags are:
Husband Bag -
- Outfit essentials (boxers, pajamas, socks, t-shirts)
- Towel
- Pillow & Blanket
- Soap, facial moisturizer, deodorant
- Carseat (this is in the car...)
Emily & Baby Bag -
- 3 outfits for me (one nice one for pics, the rest are comfy)
- 1 Nursing bra
- 1 Nursing tank
- 1 onesie (plan on getting an additional outfit or two when we do our final shop for different sizes)
- 2 NB cloth diapers for pictures
- Nipple cream just in case
- Makeup bag
- Soap, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant
- 1 receiving blanket
- 1 muslin swaddle
- Socks (me and baby)
- Baby hat
- Debating a boppy if we get one
- A baggy full of wipes
- Colace
- Phone charger
- Pack of Magic the Gathering cards and deck to play with
- Ponytail holders and brush
Labor Bag -
- Two robes
- Fuzzy slipper socks
- Massage oil
- Heating pad
- Chapstick
- Lotion
- Contacts & solution
- Camera
I'm sure there's more, but that's the essentials.
So I was reading a story about a girl who has Type 1 diabetes, had a breech baby last pregnancy and had a c-section, and wants to do a VBAC. Her doctor and MFM has told her (basically) if it happens it happens, but she is very upset and wants her VBAC. At term. I am so scared of anything happening that I am all like "you want to take her on 38 weeks? Yes, please.". I don't understand how people can have such differing opinions. But I value reading them, because it helps keep mine in perspective. I hope she gets what she wants, but for me, I am so nervous of making a wrong decision, that I'll take a c-section if it's the only way. That being said, I will be upping my Red Raspberry Leaf tea intake to two cups/day starting this Friday. And up to 3 cups next week. I can feel her pushing on my bladder and cervix, and my pee trips at night have jumped from 2 to anywhere between 4-7. So while I know que sera sera, i think this baby is making her way to the exit, as Semisonic would say.
Okay I've started seriously nervous-rambling. What else do I want to record for posterity...
- my counselor is wanting me to check in with her after appointments to help keep anxiety at bay
- work... i don't know. it's just a big cluster sometimes. I don't know what to do about that
- no spotting or blood when i wipe, and good movement
- baby appears to have her head on my left side now, with legs on the left, butt on the right
- I'm not terrified of labor, maybe I should be? But the thought of getting there just makes me happy
- Constantly exhausted
- We put LED lights in the baby room. Which is the coolest thing ever. And our storage freezer arrives today.
- I will ask my doctor about tubular breasts... maybe. Maybe I don't want to know!
- Have started leaking colostrum. This morning Iwoke up with actual hardened beads. That's a first!
okay, more Wednesday.
-Emily
Monday, June 13, 2016
Goodbye, motivation!
This weekend was rough. Several times I thought I might be having contractions or going into labor. Nope, just my hips. Always my hips!
Friday afternoon and Saturday it felt like a wasp had stung my urethra (I wish that was an exaggeration). I thought I was getting a UTI infection. I did some reading, and others said it was just pressure and hips spreading. Okay, so Saturday and Sunday I did NOTHING. Laid around in bed, rested, no extreme movements. By Sunday afternoon the pain had waned.
This morning (Monday) I can feel it again, but not like last week. Friday I had stood for about an hour and a half chatting with people, and then walked across campus twice, so I am wondering if that aggravated the feeling. Thursday I went swimming, so maybe some combination of the two caused the pain.
Either way, I will be mentioning it at my OB appointment on Wednesday. I originally planned to move the appointment back to Monday the 20th, but my anxiety is getting the best of me right now. I am so grateful for my therapist, who I saw Saturday for the first time in three weeks. She really does help me calm myself down, and put things in perspective. Also, a good friend who is coming out of that three month newborn fog reached out, and she helped ease some of my fears. So Saturday, in tears, in bed, debating going to L&D.... to today, feeling slightly calmer and in less pain.
I am making a list to ask the doctor Wednesday.
Stuff like-
I'm sure this list will grow over the next three days.
Anyways, aside from that, trying to focus on positive outcomes. I am picturing baby girl sliding out without issues, hearing her cry, and then feeling her on my chest and counting her perfect little fingers and toes. Picturing us wrapped in a warm light of love and hope. That's my reality. That's the reality I am imagining.
Yesterday I was laying on my side in bed, just with my hand on the left side of my belly button, and I swear I felt her foot. It was hard and small, pushing against my hand. It was the single coolest thing I think I've ever experienced. My daughter's little foot stretching out.
I love her so, so much. If anything happened, I am not sure I could recover. I would be devastated. I know I would learn to go on, but this ... amount of love. This amount of love can be devastating. it is scary. But I'm letting it happen, slowly, because she needs it. She needs all of our love for the time we have her. And if my image of August 26th comes true, she'll get love on the outside, too. But for now, I am channeling my love inward.
Anyways, I should know more Wednesday after the appointment. Just wanted to get it off my chest here how terrified I am, how much I want her safe, and how my therapy is helping me take control of the situation where I can, and demand answers for the care I'm paying for. Not that my OB isn't already doing this as if everything was going well ( because it is), but I need a little extra coddling ,and she needs to know that.
We also still have to go get the TDapp... D-Tapp? I can't remember. Anyways, it's whooping couch. I'm a little hesitant with all these fetal vaccinations, but since it is in the area, I suppose we need to do it before she's here as opposed to after.
Life is crazy. I will tell you that.
Friday I have taken the day off work to get the nursery ready with my mom. I am excited, but doing this stuff also worries me. Planning for the best, but preparing for the worst might be where my head is at right now. Trying to find happiness in this stuff, but it scares me.
Anyways, love. That's all it is. Just love. That's all we can do.
-Em
Friday afternoon and Saturday it felt like a wasp had stung my urethra (I wish that was an exaggeration). I thought I was getting a UTI infection. I did some reading, and others said it was just pressure and hips spreading. Okay, so Saturday and Sunday I did NOTHING. Laid around in bed, rested, no extreme movements. By Sunday afternoon the pain had waned.
This morning (Monday) I can feel it again, but not like last week. Friday I had stood for about an hour and a half chatting with people, and then walked across campus twice, so I am wondering if that aggravated the feeling. Thursday I went swimming, so maybe some combination of the two caused the pain.
Either way, I will be mentioning it at my OB appointment on Wednesday. I originally planned to move the appointment back to Monday the 20th, but my anxiety is getting the best of me right now. I am so grateful for my therapist, who I saw Saturday for the first time in three weeks. She really does help me calm myself down, and put things in perspective. Also, a good friend who is coming out of that three month newborn fog reached out, and she helped ease some of my fears. So Saturday, in tears, in bed, debating going to L&D.... to today, feeling slightly calmer and in less pain.
I am making a list to ask the doctor Wednesday.
Stuff like-
- What is the plan for the next two and a half months? (I can't keep going and not knowing what to expect. Anxiety, by definition, is the fear of the unknown. So it's time to take control of these appointments). I also want to schedule as many appointments as she'll let me so I can make sure work is informed in advance of when I'll be out.
- I want to know how we'll measure the baby, and make sure the placenta is still okay. How many kicks is too many/not enough. (Welcome to anxiety, where TOO MANY KICKS is a concern.)
- What happens if my GD numbers get too crazy?
- Blood pressure?
- Swelling?
- When do I call in to prevent a problem, or when am I being too paranoid?
I'm sure this list will grow over the next three days.
Anyways, aside from that, trying to focus on positive outcomes. I am picturing baby girl sliding out without issues, hearing her cry, and then feeling her on my chest and counting her perfect little fingers and toes. Picturing us wrapped in a warm light of love and hope. That's my reality. That's the reality I am imagining.
Yesterday I was laying on my side in bed, just with my hand on the left side of my belly button, and I swear I felt her foot. It was hard and small, pushing against my hand. It was the single coolest thing I think I've ever experienced. My daughter's little foot stretching out.
I love her so, so much. If anything happened, I am not sure I could recover. I would be devastated. I know I would learn to go on, but this ... amount of love. This amount of love can be devastating. it is scary. But I'm letting it happen, slowly, because she needs it. She needs all of our love for the time we have her. And if my image of August 26th comes true, she'll get love on the outside, too. But for now, I am channeling my love inward.
Anyways, I should know more Wednesday after the appointment. Just wanted to get it off my chest here how terrified I am, how much I want her safe, and how my therapy is helping me take control of the situation where I can, and demand answers for the care I'm paying for. Not that my OB isn't already doing this as if everything was going well ( because it is), but I need a little extra coddling ,and she needs to know that.
We also still have to go get the TDapp... D-Tapp? I can't remember. Anyways, it's whooping couch. I'm a little hesitant with all these fetal vaccinations, but since it is in the area, I suppose we need to do it before she's here as opposed to after.
Life is crazy. I will tell you that.
Friday I have taken the day off work to get the nursery ready with my mom. I am excited, but doing this stuff also worries me. Planning for the best, but preparing for the worst might be where my head is at right now. Trying to find happiness in this stuff, but it scares me.
Anyways, love. That's all it is. Just love. That's all we can do.
-Em
Monday, April 4, 2016
Sigh.
If anyone out there reads my blog regularly, I think by now you can tell I'm a little neurotic. Not in a scary way, just in an anxious/nervous/overly invested way.
I just... I feel like the baby has died. I know that's so unhealthy. I feel like she is gone constantly. I am always checking for bleeding. I have to stop this thought train, or I am going to will it to happen. I think as we get closer to our 20 week appointment on Friday, the anxiety is just going up, up, up.
I am in the process of finding a counselor for this stress that works with our insurance plan, and just trying to keep myself calm in the meantime. I am so fearful. Saturday I just cried for half the morning because I don't feel like my body can do this. It has failed once, and now that this baby can hear, feel, move and poke me, I am so scared of letting her down because my body can't do it. If that makes any sense.
So yea! That's exciting. I wish I was stronger. I used to be this strong, fierce independent woman. And now, I feel like curling up in a ball is the extent of my abilities. I don't really know when it changed. I think when I came home from traveling abroad and couldn't find work in my field for years. When I let fear dictate my decisions. I think that's when I switched mentality from lion to fieldmouse.
So, this is deeper than a miscarriage or a loss (which wasn't very long ago, I do think waiting is probably better... but alas, here we are.) But all of those emotions are all merging into one giant stressball. Sigh. I can't wait for Friday. 20 week milestone, a day off of work, and our anatomy scan, check up, and glucose test. I think after that I will feel better. I hope so.
For the past week my abdomen has been so tight, and this morning I woke up and it was flabby again. These changes are normal, but I am so mindful of what is going on that I notice EVERY slight change. This friday I will be running through a list with my doctor and letting her know about my anxiety/stress. I also lost weight again, so I am down 2 lbs from where I started in this whole process. I know I am SUPPOSED to be losing weight, but I also don't have a tummy yet. All of these (even plus size) women I see at 19 weeks are HUGE, and I have nothing, I just look bloated. Maybe it's because I've ridden horses my whole life and those muscles are pretty strong (they are) but it doesn't help me feel better when I have no symptoms, weight loss in the second tri, can't 100% identify movement, and no baby bump.
It might be time to get back on something to calm me down through the final months of this process. We are a little over a month away from third trimester. You'd think I'd be calming down.
Here are some mantras I found that are helping me stay grounded:
I just... I feel like the baby has died. I know that's so unhealthy. I feel like she is gone constantly. I am always checking for bleeding. I have to stop this thought train, or I am going to will it to happen. I think as we get closer to our 20 week appointment on Friday, the anxiety is just going up, up, up.
I am in the process of finding a counselor for this stress that works with our insurance plan, and just trying to keep myself calm in the meantime. I am so fearful. Saturday I just cried for half the morning because I don't feel like my body can do this. It has failed once, and now that this baby can hear, feel, move and poke me, I am so scared of letting her down because my body can't do it. If that makes any sense.
So yea! That's exciting. I wish I was stronger. I used to be this strong, fierce independent woman. And now, I feel like curling up in a ball is the extent of my abilities. I don't really know when it changed. I think when I came home from traveling abroad and couldn't find work in my field for years. When I let fear dictate my decisions. I think that's when I switched mentality from lion to fieldmouse.
So, this is deeper than a miscarriage or a loss (which wasn't very long ago, I do think waiting is probably better... but alas, here we are.) But all of those emotions are all merging into one giant stressball. Sigh. I can't wait for Friday. 20 week milestone, a day off of work, and our anatomy scan, check up, and glucose test. I think after that I will feel better. I hope so.
For the past week my abdomen has been so tight, and this morning I woke up and it was flabby again. These changes are normal, but I am so mindful of what is going on that I notice EVERY slight change. This friday I will be running through a list with my doctor and letting her know about my anxiety/stress. I also lost weight again, so I am down 2 lbs from where I started in this whole process. I know I am SUPPOSED to be losing weight, but I also don't have a tummy yet. All of these (even plus size) women I see at 19 weeks are HUGE, and I have nothing, I just look bloated. Maybe it's because I've ridden horses my whole life and those muscles are pretty strong (they are) but it doesn't help me feel better when I have no symptoms, weight loss in the second tri, can't 100% identify movement, and no baby bump.
It might be time to get back on something to calm me down through the final months of this process. We are a little over a month away from third trimester. You'd think I'd be calming down.
Here are some mantras I found that are helping me stay grounded:
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