I realize we are being monitored more heavily than others, but it still scares me. Saturday night I had what looked like light spotting. I was a hot mess after that. We decided to wait it out and see, as it wasn't clearly blood. Nothing happened again, so I think we're okay. And baby was moving like CRAZY. Everyone tells me (including the OB) that movement is good, no movement is bad. And lots of movement is good too. So as long as I feel her, it's okay.
I've also been doing kick counts twice a day. Once after breakfast, once before bed. She flipped around I think ,so now her head is facing either out or left, because I'm feeling much more movement when she is moving. However, we do have a lot of sleepy times. I am trying to keep stress levels down at work so she is calmer and so am I. That way consciously feel for her throughout the day.
I feel like in the past week my stomach has just grown massively. Coworkers and randos on the street are asking when I'm due. I'm like, we've got another month left, at least. They can't believe it. I believe my 21.3cm of amniotic fluid makes me look bigger. I also found out it can cause cord problems or prolapsed cords. Seriously, have to stop reading the boards. But I am going to make a list of things that scare me and address them with the doctor this week. My therapist thinks I should write them out and hand her the list so I can't get shy and not ask. So that is the plan, and husband will be accompanying me for this appointment. It's my first cervical check, AND an ultrasound, and an NST, and an appointment. It's going to be a long morning.
Anyways, I'm huge, very uncomfortable, very nervous, and ready for her to be here safely. I know people keep telling me to 'enjoy' this last time before your life changes forever. But honestly? I have been waiting for her for so long now.... I just want her. We're so ready. I know our lives will be impacted in ways we can't even imagine. But it's going to be so, so wonderful to have our family.
At work, I am training the temp, who told me today she is feeling overwhelmed. I need to step back and take more steps to cover basics with her. I thought she was frustrated I wasn't giving her enough work, but turns out I was sending too much. She will be fine, and they'll cover me when I'm gone without a problem, so I am feeling calmer about this all. But yes. Crazy.
So the mural is almost done in the nursery. Pictures below. We're so close! Now we just need a few more items:
- swing
- baby wearing carrier (ergobaby or lillebabty)
- some more packs of onesies
- some more sleepers
- swaddlers for both newborn and next size up
- a couple more burp cloths
- a few more receiving blankets
- nipple guards (I think I might have tubular breasts :( I don't know for sure, but just in case these shields might help...)
And that's about it!! There is a lot more we will need:
- baby walker
- high chair
- running stroller
- boppy chair
- boppy pillow
- extra crib mattress (for our Secure Beginnings mattress)
The list goes on, but what I want to have here before she arrives is almost ready! So exciting.
We'll do one big final sweep through Target and Babies R Us and get any last minute items. I have all of this breastfeeding stuff, so I am hoping we can make that work. I've attended our birthing class and our nursing class. We've got our birth plan written. Now I just ... wait. And you all know just how well I wait (not very well). 31 days if we make it to due date. 21 days left of work.
In our packed bags are:
Husband Bag -
- Outfit essentials (boxers, pajamas, socks, t-shirts)
- Towel
- Pillow & Blanket
- Soap, facial moisturizer, deodorant
- Carseat (this is in the car...)
Emily & Baby Bag -
- 3 outfits for me (one nice one for pics, the rest are comfy)
- 1 Nursing bra
- 1 Nursing tank
- 1 onesie (plan on getting an additional outfit or two when we do our final shop for different sizes)
- 2 NB cloth diapers for pictures
- Nipple cream just in case
- Makeup bag
- Soap, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant
- 1 receiving blanket
- 1 muslin swaddle
- Socks (me and baby)
- Baby hat
- Debating a boppy if we get one
- A baggy full of wipes
- Colace
- Phone charger
- Pack of Magic the Gathering cards and deck to play with
- Ponytail holders and brush
Labor Bag -
- Two robes
- Fuzzy slipper socks
- Massage oil
- Heating pad
- Chapstick
- Lotion
- Contacts & solution
- Camera
I'm sure there's more, but that's the essentials.
So I was reading a story about a girl who has Type 1 diabetes, had a breech baby last pregnancy and had a c-section, and wants to do a VBAC. Her doctor and MFM has told her (basically) if it happens it happens, but she is very upset and wants her VBAC. At term. I am so scared of anything happening that I am all like "you want to take her on 38 weeks? Yes, please.". I don't understand how people can have such differing opinions. But I value reading them, because it helps keep mine in perspective. I hope she gets what she wants, but for me, I am so nervous of making a wrong decision, that I'll take a c-section if it's the only way. That being said, I will be upping my Red Raspberry Leaf tea intake to two cups/day starting this Friday. And up to 3 cups next week. I can feel her pushing on my bladder and cervix, and my pee trips at night have jumped from 2 to anywhere between 4-7. So while I know que sera sera, i think this baby is making her way to the exit, as Semisonic would say.
Okay I've started seriously nervous-rambling. What else do I want to record for posterity...
- my counselor is wanting me to check in with her after appointments to help keep anxiety at bay
- work... i don't know. it's just a big cluster sometimes. I don't know what to do about that
- no spotting or blood when i wipe, and good movement
- baby appears to have her head on my left side now, with legs on the left, butt on the right
- I'm not terrified of labor, maybe I should be? But the thought of getting there just makes me happy
- Constantly exhausted
- We put LED lights in the baby room. Which is the coolest thing ever. And our storage freezer arrives today.
- I will ask my doctor about tubular breasts... maybe. Maybe I don't want to know!
- Have started leaking colostrum. This morning Iwoke up with actual hardened beads. That's a first!
okay, more Wednesday.
-Emily
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