I wanted to mention this, because I completely forgot -
When I called the specialist, his nurse told me they would prescribe progesterone once I had a confirmed pregnancy at 8 weeks. (I know we've discussed why this doesn't make sense.)
When I called my OB, she said they wanted to do a blood test, and if my progesterone was low they'd prescribe it. I am taking progesterone from the last pregnancy anyways, so it's not going to be low, and I told the nurse that.
Be your own advocate. I have not read anywhere that progesterone early can hurt the baby, it only helps the lining, and while I'm no doctor, and do your own research (seriously) my advice is to be your own advocate.
That's all!
-Em
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Two days from a New Year, and I couldn't be happier
Out with the old, in with the new.
I have never before felt that was so much my mantra as I have this year. 2015 was a turbulent and not quite wonderful year for our family. The fact that we are just two days away from 2016 - a "9" year, which my friend who is into astrology says is a wonderful thing because it means positive change and in tarot it means energy of attainment and renewal ... (not that I believe in that stuff, per se... ;) - a year of change sounds really great. Positive change. I can feel it, I can feel the past year sloughing away as we slide into 2016.
The energy seems to be all around us. I know many, many people who are quite ready for the countdown to Midnight January 1st, 2016. This year was full of trials, tribulations, challenges, growth, and awakenings. I think we will carry these teachings into the new year.
Anyways, I just wanted to check in and let you know how things are progressing, because apparently things are progressing. So much so that I have joined the "August 2016 Birth Club" on BabyCenter. That's brave, bold, and unexpected. But I love hearing stories from pregnant women due in August, like us, who are unaffected by loss and sadness. They are excited--posting pictures of their ultrasounds and planning when to have a baby shower, and discussing what they want to eat. As much as I love my support groups, and plan to stay active with them, I do enjoy the less ominous feel I get from these new or second, third, fourth time moms who may have experienced loss, but are looking positively towards the future.
So I have decided to try to stay as positive as possible, and just be happy with whatever outcome we have. Because I have learned that "que sera, sera" and what will be, will be.
Our unoffiical due date would be August 26, 2016. I love that number, so many loops! 9-26-16.
I am currently so hungry I could eat multiple cows a day. I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop and get sick. I woke up slightly nauseous at 3 AM today, but nothing came of it. Though, my last pregnancy I was hardly ever sick. Just occasionally in the afternoon my stomach would turn. Last time I hated sweets, and I am still not into chocolate, but last night for dinner I wanted a McFlurry. Just a McFlurry. So that is different.
I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for January 13th at 10:15AM with Doctor W. this would be 7 weeks, 5 days along, which means we should get a heartbeat, image of the baby, and dating. Assuming she does an US, but after our last experience, I have a feeling she will if she can. If not, we'll schedule an ultrasound for 8 weeks (see, I think we'll just do it).
I guess, until then, we'll just keep doing what we're doing and staying positive. So far, there has been no spotting, and I do not have that wonky pain on my left side that I had the entire time with our angel baby. I actually don't hardly feel anything at all, except hungry and exhausted (i.e. going to bed at 7:30pm). And the constant peeing and thirst. But honestly, not much else. I am also taking this as a good sign.
I checked my calendar, and last time I visited the doctor in a panic on June 11, when I was 7 weeks, 2 days. I had been spotting and uncomfortable, and knew something was wrong. That was when she found the hematoma. And I had kept bleeding consistently since then. I already feel better about this. And even if there is no baby, or it's chemical, or even if I lose it this week or next, at least we know that we are capable of getting pregnant again (um, rather easily... as my husband would point out). So that is all positive, and I feel good. I feel like, for the first time in a while, that I could possibly be capable of doing this. Although 9 months seems like an excruciatingly long time for my body to behave, I have hope. I have faith. And I have love. And I am praying that we can make it through this.
Also, we put our deposit down on a puppy, so I will have a squishy, fat, puppy nugget to squeeze regardless of what happens. ;)
-Emily
I have never before felt that was so much my mantra as I have this year. 2015 was a turbulent and not quite wonderful year for our family. The fact that we are just two days away from 2016 - a "9" year, which my friend who is into astrology says is a wonderful thing because it means positive change and in tarot it means energy of attainment and renewal ... (not that I believe in that stuff, per se... ;) - a year of change sounds really great. Positive change. I can feel it, I can feel the past year sloughing away as we slide into 2016.
The energy seems to be all around us. I know many, many people who are quite ready for the countdown to Midnight January 1st, 2016. This year was full of trials, tribulations, challenges, growth, and awakenings. I think we will carry these teachings into the new year.
Anyways, I just wanted to check in and let you know how things are progressing, because apparently things are progressing. So much so that I have joined the "August 2016 Birth Club" on BabyCenter. That's brave, bold, and unexpected. But I love hearing stories from pregnant women due in August, like us, who are unaffected by loss and sadness. They are excited--posting pictures of their ultrasounds and planning when to have a baby shower, and discussing what they want to eat. As much as I love my support groups, and plan to stay active with them, I do enjoy the less ominous feel I get from these new or second, third, fourth time moms who may have experienced loss, but are looking positively towards the future.
So I have decided to try to stay as positive as possible, and just be happy with whatever outcome we have. Because I have learned that "que sera, sera" and what will be, will be.
Our unoffiical due date would be August 26, 2016. I love that number, so many loops! 9-26-16.
I am currently so hungry I could eat multiple cows a day. I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop and get sick. I woke up slightly nauseous at 3 AM today, but nothing came of it. Though, my last pregnancy I was hardly ever sick. Just occasionally in the afternoon my stomach would turn. Last time I hated sweets, and I am still not into chocolate, but last night for dinner I wanted a McFlurry. Just a McFlurry. So that is different.
I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for January 13th at 10:15AM with Doctor W. this would be 7 weeks, 5 days along, which means we should get a heartbeat, image of the baby, and dating. Assuming she does an US, but after our last experience, I have a feeling she will if she can. If not, we'll schedule an ultrasound for 8 weeks (see, I think we'll just do it).
I guess, until then, we'll just keep doing what we're doing and staying positive. So far, there has been no spotting, and I do not have that wonky pain on my left side that I had the entire time with our angel baby. I actually don't hardly feel anything at all, except hungry and exhausted (i.e. going to bed at 7:30pm). And the constant peeing and thirst. But honestly, not much else. I am also taking this as a good sign.
I checked my calendar, and last time I visited the doctor in a panic on June 11, when I was 7 weeks, 2 days. I had been spotting and uncomfortable, and knew something was wrong. That was when she found the hematoma. And I had kept bleeding consistently since then. I already feel better about this. And even if there is no baby, or it's chemical, or even if I lose it this week or next, at least we know that we are capable of getting pregnant again (um, rather easily... as my husband would point out). So that is all positive, and I feel good. I feel like, for the first time in a while, that I could possibly be capable of doing this. Although 9 months seems like an excruciatingly long time for my body to behave, I have hope. I have faith. And I have love. And I am praying that we can make it through this.
Also, we put our deposit down on a puppy, so I will have a squishy, fat, puppy nugget to squeeze regardless of what happens. ;)
-Emily
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
I'm so FRIGGIN ANNOYED.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
- Vent -
Can I just start off with that?
That is how I feel today. This week. I am so beyond annoyed. What is the next best word? Hang on, I'll go look it up... exacerbated. I am exacerbated.
Work is ... not going as planned. We are extremely busy, NO ONE is in the holiday spirit, and I didn't take any time off of work, so I honestly don't know when I'll be getting my Christmas stuff done. I guess after work. We usually slow down around this time of year, but I honestly feel like it's ramping up somehow.
This morning I was awake at four, and after fighting with my greasy hair (thanks to a new shampoo I tried---it was a FAIL), not finding work clothes, and struggling to get makeup on, I left home in the dark to head to our old apartment because my husband's custom-made gift was sitting on the porch and honestly, it isn't the nicest of neighborhoods to leave packages out on the front porch unattended (in the move, some mail is still going to the old place).
I am hungry. I am soo tired. I have so much to do before Thursday, and the frustrating part is that it's stuff I WANT to do. So it's not like saying "I'm not going to do it" is really an option.
And, last night my husband convinced me we could have sex, which I've been saying no to until we know what is going on in my uterus, and instead of being strong, I said yes, and I woke up this morning to really tight cramping. Almost exactly like how I felt the day before I miscarried.
I know that sex won't CAUSE a subchorionic hematoma, or even a miscarriage, but since everytime we had sex last time I would bleed, now I am just basically terrified of it. So I am also very mad that I gave in and possibly harmed the fetus. And I'm VERY VERY VERY flustered.
The hormones on top of anxiety on top of Christmas on top of an apathetic husband (he probably ISN'T apathetic, but I feellike he is) I am just.... AOInoeifnfmwsoijojoiSSOIJGOEGMWOEIGMSDGIOm. AHH.
Done. I am done. I want to go home and sleep and not think about anything. I don't want to be at work. I wish I had taken time off around the holidays. I know I'm using my vacation for Ireland, but I'm so crampy, tired, in pain, and EXASPERATED that I just feel like the Grinch and I am hateful of all things.
*hooray hormones*
- End Vent. -
-Emily
- Vent -
Can I just start off with that?
That is how I feel today. This week. I am so beyond annoyed. What is the next best word? Hang on, I'll go look it up... exacerbated. I am exacerbated.
Work is ... not going as planned. We are extremely busy, NO ONE is in the holiday spirit, and I didn't take any time off of work, so I honestly don't know when I'll be getting my Christmas stuff done. I guess after work. We usually slow down around this time of year, but I honestly feel like it's ramping up somehow.
This morning I was awake at four, and after fighting with my greasy hair (thanks to a new shampoo I tried---it was a FAIL), not finding work clothes, and struggling to get makeup on, I left home in the dark to head to our old apartment because my husband's custom-made gift was sitting on the porch and honestly, it isn't the nicest of neighborhoods to leave packages out on the front porch unattended (in the move, some mail is still going to the old place).
I am hungry. I am soo tired. I have so much to do before Thursday, and the frustrating part is that it's stuff I WANT to do. So it's not like saying "I'm not going to do it" is really an option.
And, last night my husband convinced me we could have sex, which I've been saying no to until we know what is going on in my uterus, and instead of being strong, I said yes, and I woke up this morning to really tight cramping. Almost exactly like how I felt the day before I miscarried.
I know that sex won't CAUSE a subchorionic hematoma, or even a miscarriage, but since everytime we had sex last time I would bleed, now I am just basically terrified of it. So I am also very mad that I gave in and possibly harmed the fetus. And I'm VERY VERY VERY flustered.
The hormones on top of anxiety on top of Christmas on top of an apathetic husband (he probably ISN'T apathetic, but I feellike he is) I am just.... AOInoeifnfmwsoijojoiSSOIJGOEGMWOEIGMSDGIOm. AHH.
Done. I am done. I want to go home and sleep and not think about anything. I don't want to be at work. I wish I had taken time off around the holidays. I know I'm using my vacation for Ireland, but I'm so crampy, tired, in pain, and EXASPERATED that I just feel like the Grinch and I am hateful of all things.
*hooray hormones*
- End Vent. -
-Emily
Monday, December 21, 2015
Deck the halls with bows of holly, falalalala....
Christmas week is here, and there is pep in my step!
We are officially in our new house, and yes, there are a TON of things to do, and yes, I might have overdone it this weekend, but I don't even care because every little project makes a huge difference. I insulated all of the windows in the nursery (which is essentially a sun room). I insulated one window over the couch, and I an already feel a huge difference. I also cleaned the cabinets and put on new knobs (my husband thought that was a silly project, but it makes me happy and I feel ownership, and love putting my own taste into the place). We also realized that all of the fixtures (lighting, shower, sink, faucets) are in brushed nickel -- which makes sense with the coloring of the house, which is white and cream and black. But the door handles are ALL gold. So we're going to try to paint/stain them a new color instead of buying all new door handles. Since they are expensive. But that is a later project.
We have internet now (hooray!) the bug people are coming Wednesday, and the duct cleaners will be there today. And then the plumber and then after that I think we can manage the rest of the winter on our own.
I will say though, it's CRAZY expensive. I feel like we're dropping $100 dollar payments like it ain't no thang.
Anyways, on to the more relevant topic-this pregnancy!
The lines are now SUPER dark, and a CLEAR positive! Friday night after we moved (when I really did overdo it) I had some achey pain in my uterus and had a little spotting. Since then, no spotting, though I am still wearing a pad just in case (remnants of the last pregnancy fear). The weirdest thing about this pregnancy is that I don't really FEEL anything. Last time I felt pain, and it felt uncomfortable. But I just feel normal, except for sore nipples and after about two hours I get extremely tired and have to sit down. Oh, and I am constantly hungry, but that could just be because I love food.
So it's strange to have no 'pregnancy' feelings aside from knowing it's happening. I think that is a very very good sign. I am praying it is. I will be taking my little tooshie to church on Sundays with my friend and going to the Lord's house to send up every prayer I can think of to get us through these next nine months.
To be perfectly honest, I don't think it's real yet. I still feel like it is not happening. Like it's chemical, or a blighted ovum. And I Guess it could be, but that is probably, again, leftover anxiety from last time. So I will be scheduling a trip to the OB before our trip to Ireland.
Also, I keep hearing about a particular local doctor. He is a specialist, and I've now had 4 separate people recommend him to me completely randomly. So I think we need to listen to those signs and go see him. I feel absolutely terrible leaving my current OB, but like one of my friend's said, it's not about hurting feelings, it's about ensuring the best future for your baby. So today I'm going to schedule an appointment with this doctor and we'll just take it a day at a time and go from there.
Life certainly is a crazy place. How quickly it changes. How much hope, fear, love, and confusion can intertwine to create your day, month, or year. I am not going to lie, with the struggles we faced in the past year,I am a stronger person. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but I have learned so much about myself and life and I am grateful that I am learning, and a stronger person for it.
All the love to you, dear reader.
-Emily
p.s. tonight I will post the test strips progession
We are officially in our new house, and yes, there are a TON of things to do, and yes, I might have overdone it this weekend, but I don't even care because every little project makes a huge difference. I insulated all of the windows in the nursery (which is essentially a sun room). I insulated one window over the couch, and I an already feel a huge difference. I also cleaned the cabinets and put on new knobs (my husband thought that was a silly project, but it makes me happy and I feel ownership, and love putting my own taste into the place). We also realized that all of the fixtures (lighting, shower, sink, faucets) are in brushed nickel -- which makes sense with the coloring of the house, which is white and cream and black. But the door handles are ALL gold. So we're going to try to paint/stain them a new color instead of buying all new door handles. Since they are expensive. But that is a later project.
We have internet now (hooray!) the bug people are coming Wednesday, and the duct cleaners will be there today. And then the plumber and then after that I think we can manage the rest of the winter on our own.
I will say though, it's CRAZY expensive. I feel like we're dropping $100 dollar payments like it ain't no thang.
Anyways, on to the more relevant topic-this pregnancy!
The lines are now SUPER dark, and a CLEAR positive! Friday night after we moved (when I really did overdo it) I had some achey pain in my uterus and had a little spotting. Since then, no spotting, though I am still wearing a pad just in case (remnants of the last pregnancy fear). The weirdest thing about this pregnancy is that I don't really FEEL anything. Last time I felt pain, and it felt uncomfortable. But I just feel normal, except for sore nipples and after about two hours I get extremely tired and have to sit down. Oh, and I am constantly hungry, but that could just be because I love food.
So it's strange to have no 'pregnancy' feelings aside from knowing it's happening. I think that is a very very good sign. I am praying it is. I will be taking my little tooshie to church on Sundays with my friend and going to the Lord's house to send up every prayer I can think of to get us through these next nine months.
To be perfectly honest, I don't think it's real yet. I still feel like it is not happening. Like it's chemical, or a blighted ovum. And I Guess it could be, but that is probably, again, leftover anxiety from last time. So I will be scheduling a trip to the OB before our trip to Ireland.
Also, I keep hearing about a particular local doctor. He is a specialist, and I've now had 4 separate people recommend him to me completely randomly. So I think we need to listen to those signs and go see him. I feel absolutely terrible leaving my current OB, but like one of my friend's said, it's not about hurting feelings, it's about ensuring the best future for your baby. So today I'm going to schedule an appointment with this doctor and we'll just take it a day at a time and go from there.
Life certainly is a crazy place. How quickly it changes. How much hope, fear, love, and confusion can intertwine to create your day, month, or year. I am not going to lie, with the struggles we faced in the past year,I am a stronger person. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but I have learned so much about myself and life and I am grateful that I am learning, and a stronger person for it.
All the love to you, dear reader.
-Emily
p.s. tonight I will post the test strips progession
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Not getting darker, but not bleeding
So today is supposed to be the latest day possible my period would start. After today, I would officially be "late". Strangely, the tests are not getting any darker, but I did switch to a different brand.
Regardless, the lines aren't darkening, but I haven't started bleeding.
So we will see how the rest of the week goes. I will keep you updated
Today I ordered a peppermint white mocha frappucino as a my "Friday treat" (tomorrow I am off work). But halfway through I realized it's probably time to cut back on caffeine... and probably do the recommended paleo/less carb eating that I read would help women with food allergies while pregnant.
Send every prayer you can that this baby is sticky, that it has burrowed itself in and there is no hematoma growing, and that we have a VERY boring nine months ahead of us.
I'm also going to share a text I got from my husband, because it so sums up how we feel after our last loss:
I was looking at our stuff. and some of it I love. Like, I'd hate losing my Magic cards, or our Corelle plates or our cuddle pillows.
But fuck. All I want is our new house, and you, and the baby turning you into a house. I'd happily sleep on the floor in a nest we own forever.
We have all the love. I've never felt so much love before in my life. And while it was hard getting to this point, and this much love seems to be born out of so much grief and loss, I feel it. I feel that the more positive we are, the better life is.
Life is good. Not always happy. But good.
-Emily
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
I'm seeing double
So this happened:
I.N.S.A.N.E.
I cannot believe it. The odds were so slim--my husband is NEVER going to let me live it down! LOL This also explains all the emotions I've been feeling.
So we are one day out from my period, which means we are still EXTREMELY early to be having any kind of feelings about this. Especially since the test this morning was slightly lighter than yesterday, and my temp dropped a 1/10th of a degree.
That being said, if we make it through to the weekend with no bleeding, I guess it is time to start believing this might be happening. Whoa. I am literally blown away....
Going to keep doing tests and see how the lines are darkening. Today I added back in:
Cinnamon, Vitamin K, Vitamin E, and Vinegar (with "The Mother"). Also still taking Vitex. Starting back on my progesterone (after a three day lapse... i hope that didn't hurt things too much :( ) and still on the Prenatals with Folate....
I'm still in shock, and I still don't believe it's true... but my bladder believes it's true because I have been up to pee at 3 AM every night this week. And my lady nips are SORE. So... yea.
What the what.
-Emily
 |
| The not-so-faint but still pretty faint positive |
I.N.S.A.N.E.
I cannot believe it. The odds were so slim--my husband is NEVER going to let me live it down! LOL This also explains all the emotions I've been feeling.
So we are one day out from my period, which means we are still EXTREMELY early to be having any kind of feelings about this. Especially since the test this morning was slightly lighter than yesterday, and my temp dropped a 1/10th of a degree.
That being said, if we make it through to the weekend with no bleeding, I guess it is time to start believing this might be happening. Whoa. I am literally blown away....
Going to keep doing tests and see how the lines are darkening. Today I added back in:
Cinnamon, Vitamin K, Vitamin E, and Vinegar (with "The Mother"). Also still taking Vitex. Starting back on my progesterone (after a three day lapse... i hope that didn't hurt things too much :( ) and still on the Prenatals with Folate....
I'm still in shock, and I still don't believe it's true... but my bladder believes it's true because I have been up to pee at 3 AM every night this week. And my lady nips are SORE. So... yea.
What the what.
-Emily
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